Randomness & Happiness

eggs

2010-11-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

Roses are red, violets are blue -but not really... and I feel like poo.

I'm: sad, emotional, happy, glad, motivated, lazy, pretty, hidious, so LUCKY, so BLESSED, crazy, tired, moody, irritable, spoiled, depressed, pist, crying, lonely, resentful, proud, delighted, annoyed, cuddeled, and glowing!

all in one day. Today... And the last few days... My husband would know... And I think I might be growing hair on my upper lip... Anyone else having these problems? Am I abnormal? Tell me the TRUTH!

I feel crazy.

I REALLY should get the mirena out... maybe... But I'm nervous. I'm not so ready for another baber just yet.

What to do, what to do???

Oh, and I am also, SO FULL! I've been eating enough for 3 prego women this past week I do beleive. Not cool! SO not cool...

Yesterday I did nothing.

2010-11-13T16:19:00.001-08:00

This one time (not at band camp), Peej and I drove ALL over northern Utah for what seemed like hours searching for FOOD. We were headed back to our homeland and we were starved. Oddly every food thing in northern Utah was closed (did you sense my sarcasm? I hope so). We finnnnalllllly reached a Rubios... Was it Rubios husband?? Well it was a AWESOME taco joint that really hit the spot that fine Sunday morning one day maybe in June... Or July? Was it after the Jack concert? I'm not sure... But it was tasty... And now on to the point. The music playing in this taco joint was a lil somethin along the lines of Jack... Jack awesome Johnson that is. And the tables were nestled under tiki hut type thingys. And there were many pictures of far, far away privately owned beaches, I say private because they were PERFECTION. Places that we both agreed we'd someday love to live. Places we will probably only dream of living and maybe someday visit. We talked about working on the beach, walking barefoot on the beaches, watching the kids play by the water on the beaches, and the BEAUTIFUL, wonderful, dreamy sunsets that we would share cuddled up on our porch together.

Tonight I hope to dream of us there. Right now, I will pretend I am there... And tonight I will be happy even though we are not there.

Cause he'll be home in the mornin, not in 7 months...

I think I've got a anxiety disorder when it comes to him having to go anywhere unexpectedly.

And I'm pmsing... So he reminded me that I'm not depressed. It's the hormones eating me alive.

I sure do love him...

Christmas list.

2010-11-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

a desk.

oh please oh please oh please husband! One of those dented, scratched, broken vintage ones from the DI... Please! I'll paint it black and I'll rescuff it, and I'll name it fred, and it will be my own! While nestled up to Ted oh, I mean Fred I will drink my morning chocolate coffee, bask in the morning light, ignore my daily duties, tell the kids "HOLD ON, I'm ALMOST DONE!!!" like ten times every other day... And I will type AWESOMENESS! (which is the best part!) I will blog our whimsically perfect memories, even when they're not so whimsical or perfect. There I will write you love notes to leave on your desktop since I haven't for so long... There on Fred I will make our magic. Maybe someday our book. You and I could finish our book. You see... I need a Fred.

And next year... A SUPER AWESOME BAD-A MAC PUTER!!! WHITE! BIG SCREEEN!!! WITH ALL THE FIXINGS!!! YEAHHHYAAAA!

my hands are froze.

2010-11-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

and my nose is froze! legs and arms too! Luckily my toesies still have a little warmth to them. Never knew flats could keep them so well insulated.

I'm at work and shouldn't be here. Like here, on blogger I mean.. I'm a little nervous about it, but I like to live on the edge and the adrenalin rush is worth the cost. But I'm pretty sure there wont be too much of a cost, since there is no work to be did. Also, I gave my two weeks nearly two weeks ago... This may come as a shocker to a lot of you since the job was such a HUGE necessity just a few short months ago... Well, as many of you found out via Facerbook Peej got the job at the hospital. I felt horrid giving my two weeks since I had just started... But Peej reminded me daily that I was making the right decision... Probably because he wants to be spoiled with the smell of home cooked meals daily, hot towells in the mornings, and less work for him (with the children) in the evenings. Cause I LOVE being a Mommy and a wife. Not to be large headed or anything, but I am predy darn good at it. So it's back to what I know best. I never thought this would be my life. I can honestly say I ALWAYS thought I'd be the hard working independent Momma, maybe even ALWAYS a single Momma. But thankfully an extremely cool dude walked into mine and Talons life and swept us off into the more baby making sunset and then lifted his face plate on his helmet armor thingy and spoke these magical words "I'd rather you didn't work, but it's up to you." And this queen lived happily ever afterly.

So tomorrow is supposed to be my last day here at Brown, they've treated my kindly and they deserve better! Like someone fluent in QB and lots of other stuff that I wasn't so fluent in...

Time for a new chapter. Boy does this book keep getting better!

Two nights ago I walked into our front room to happily find two boys cuddled up on the couch and another snacking on some crackers in the middle of the floor. Gosh was my heart filled with joy just being in that room with them... I can't remember EVER feeling this happy. Life is such a bad word lately but gee golly, I just couldn't be peachier! Or cornier... Right???

love you blog world.

ps

2010-10-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

Aren't blogs SO boring without a picture???

yes!

I know right???

pictures soon to come... Promises.

keeeeeses!

laugh so we (mostly I) don't cry.

2010-10-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

I'm so so spoiled! Everything I ever wanted has always been within my reach! Now I can't buy lunch, diapers, or gas... Thank you God for testing me the way you have lately, but could you PLEASE give a dog a bone??? That's literally how I feel! and I'm totally a DOG because of it... I'm so selfish and I'd really like to kick my self for all the ungrateful moments I have throughout eachday and every test.

Good news: My heart has been recharged today. PJ got the job that we have been praying and hoping for every single day for the past month! Yup, he's the shizzz and I'm oh so totally proud!

I just read a post secret that said "My oldest daughter of four just started kindergarten. I stole all of her school supplies from the suburban safeway" I cried, no bawled for five minutes straight after reading that. I couldn't even see to finish reading the rest. Maybe she stole it for kicks?? But that's not what my flooded eyes were thinking! My heart was filled with anger, anger towards myself. I have taken so much for granted! I look around me, at all the comforts that fill our cozy lil home. I am more then lucky, I am so blessed! This past few days have helped me to realize how blessed I really am. I can't buy myself lunch or a coke and I want to cry? WTFreak is wrong with me? There are people living on the streets! Children without parents, shelter, food, or even blankets all over this world! So I cried and am now crying again because I am not nearly as grateful as I should be. I'm kicking myself for being so blind. I should wake and smile! Have you looked around you McKenna? Sheesh. self note #352: smile, it could always be worse! BUT, I've told myself those exact words a million times it seems.... I really think God wants us to hit our rock bottom so that we can be so much better!

I might sound like a mad women to you, going off like this and what not... Bare with me, whomever you are... Anyone? I am finding myself and learning about McKenna daily. I want to be better everyday. I want to be happy with myself and I want the universe to be happy with me. I need to be a good person, I need to forgive myself for my mistakes, and I always need to grow. And, I need to do something extra special with this life. I'm definetly not ready yet... And I have no idea what it's going to be... But I hope I'm growing towards that specialness. I'm definetly trying.

maybe I should rename this blog to: rambles of a crazy Mom. What do you think??? I like it!

In other news... I know EVERYONE is talking about it... BUT, how can you NOT? My favorite time of year is here!!! This is the part where I tell you all about my FAVORITE parts of AUTUMN and you humor me and pretend to care. Or really care! But you probably don't and are just really bored so now you are reading my rambles... go on, read on!

AUTUMN favorites, the crisp cool air in the mornings, the fact that Halloween is almost here, and then Thanksgiving, and then CHRISTMAS!!! the decorations!!! decorations!!!!!!, the smell, the taste of pumpkin ice cream (amazing!), sweaters, corn mazes, of course the haunted houses, costumes, lots of candy!, cream cheese frosting, cuddeling up to my hubs on the couch after a day of rainyness, and also making out in the rain-which we have yet to do and I can't wait!, being even more thankful then I try to be for the simple everyday things everyday, turkey! and ham!!!, falling beautiful autumn leaves, and drives to oak grove! (which we will be doing a lot of husband!), pumkin sented candles, spice cake, pumpkin sheet cake, my favorite tv shows, and GOOOOOOOOOD food! On top of all the yumminess I already mentioned... You know what I'm sayin... Thanksgiving FOOD (YUM!), Christmas FOOD (YUM!), comfort FOOD (YUMMY!)

I've been cookin up a lot of yummy comforting food as of late. I told my hubs I'd start blogging it (as if he really cares if I blog it or not) so that I could always have the yummy recipes. So, hopefully the food stuff will distract from my craziness.

peace hommies. (is that how you spell hommie? I would think homy would be easier and since it's slang easier is usually better, right? but homy just looks so wrong! kinda like horny and horny and homy just do not go well together...) yikes.

My husband bought me a 32oz dew before he left for work because I'm spoiled... so there's my excuse... I blame this blog on the dew.

Let the good times roll!

2010-10-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

So today has been a beautiful day. Started with laundry, getting Talyman ready for school, helping Talyman cleanup his room, cookies for breakfast (which I didn't tell my husband, but am sure he'll read this and find out), Treser wandering and googling all over the place as usual, and my lover arriving home after a long night at the office.

After dropping Taly off at school I listened to talk radio which I have been doin as of late. This is not a typical McKenna thing (just ask my husband) but it's been a bit more attractive to my ears and mind these past few days driving to and from my new job.

As I was driving the short distance home I listened to some man take a phone call from some women whom lived in new Jersey or somewhere in that area. She started saying that we all blame our government for the way things have been going and for the way our economy has fallen like a mad women in these past few years... She went on to say that she thinks America is just so greedy and lives well over their means. And all this time I'm nodding my head and mumbling strangeness from my mouth. The man agreed with this lady as I did and told her that he believes we are a country in love with materialistic value. We fight to have the best house, the better car, the best of the best everything! He went on to say, when we our buying these houses, cars, boats etc... that we can't actually afford a day sometimes comes along where Daddy or Mommy of the household winds up losing their income and the easy way out is to blame our government! But, he did go on to say that it's also true that banks and government have aided us in our stupidity. Which my head bobbled up and down to. (because I have been stupid)

I've been feeling a funny way lately... Pudge and I forced ourselves to write down all of our bills for the next three months, the other day. You see, when Pudge got home we were led to believe that we would be paid so many times on so many certain days after his deployment. And believe me, I was beyond grateful to be receiving those payments even after Pudge was back in our home. But August 20th came and went and we did NOT receive his last installment from the military. This was a mighty shame in the Barwick household. We were set to move September 1st and had givin our thirty day notice just 5 days before we received a empty bank account. Soon later we found our account to be around $800 in the negative because we had started to spend that installment that was actually never installed. Boy, was that a shocker.

If you're thinking "Wow, -$800" think again, we HAD to find a way to move! So, we dug ourselves a even more ginormous hole and turned our souls to a thieving money advancement place. Before doing so mind you, I tried anything and EVERYTHING! I called every military onesource and every military website I could think of to get just a wee bit of help so that we would be able to move into a tad larger home (maybe 100ft larger)with a MUCH nicer neighborhood, and none of these so called military help hotlines could help because PJ is a reservists who just so happened to be active in Afghanistan for the past year!!! But that didn't matter to them now... What mattered to them was the he was not at the moment active duty. The day that we decided to get that loan we pulled into a church parking lot and prayed. PJ prayed aloud for our family. for the strength to get through these hard times. for a miracle.. And we cried. PJ is a real manly man sort of guy (so he probably wont appreciate the last comment) but just so ya know he doesn't usually cry... First time since he'd been home actually. ha! Anyway, we got that extra $400 loan from Advance America so that we could move into our new humble abode. It's perfect. Small, quaint, and cozy.

So now that this hole has been dug we are working to fill it back up with the dirt (money) that we need to survive this lil ol world. I feel we've been humbled in many great ways. We've been challenged and tested it seems. and the prize for all of this? We've come together as a whole, and we are so much stronger. I defiantly have changed and improved my way of thinking in a lot of ways. As I see it now: our life is a test to God! And I do believe the way we live it is our choice. But if God was to knock on my door tomorrow, I know I wouldn't be ready to let him in. I'd like to be more ready. I'm sure I'll never be perfect, and I have a feeling that I'd always hesitate a little if he really came a knockin... But, I love him so. He's helped us through so much... The least I can do is invite him in.

I really do wonder if he's up there playing a board game which is actually our life's... Wouldn't that be comical?

I don't quite know where I was headed with all that... Tres woke from his nap a bit ago and Pudge stopped by to bring me flowers (YAY) so, I was a little distracted... I guess I was just meaning to say that I hope I can always be humbled and challenged. I hope I can live within my needs in happiness. I hope I am not a selfish person, and I hope I can always be a giver and not a want want wanter. Right now the good times are rollin. Although they are rollin on a bumpy road, they are rollin... It feels pretty great to have such good times in such hard times.

Well I'm outa here. hope you all have a fantastic weekend! (I think Tres just got stuck in the dish washer??!!)

Good night St. G!

MY DAY

2010-09-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

My day, long day, long day=very tired Mom day, My day, long day, very tierd, need bed, bad, but good day. the picture below, not taken this day.

Sharing time: Tres getting his first hair cut on his very first birthday! Aren't we adorable???

He loved it incase you couldn't tell.

LONG

DAY!

Oh my goodness my job is draining!

Once again I spent the duration of my day reading a book titled

Office Awesomeness!!!!

It's so NOT awesome.

Since I have started at Brown Consulting Engineers I have had two days of training.

first day 1hr 30 odd minutes

day two 2 hours or so.

I need to be trained! My job is a introduction to a entire world of newness to me!

My boss (nice guy) made sure to inquire about my Quick books skills.

and I MADE CERTAIN to inform him that I infact had

NO SKILLS.

But it's not exactly his fault. Really it's no ones fault... The girl whom worked there before me (we'll call her Suzy) Suzy whom worked there before me is EXTEMELY busy!

You see, she actually wanted to quit working there a few months back and did, BUT the other new girl who started decided the job just wasn't for her after only two weeks of working there

Suzy put a lot of sweat, blood, and tears into this girl! (not literally)

I could imagine this being a VERY tough job to train to someone, and to have them leave after only two weeks... FRUSTRATING.

So now that school has started for Suzy she is super busy.

And McKenna...

screwed!

But not really, because Suzy always calls just before my breaking point.

EVERYTIME!

It's awesome timing.

This really is such a GREAT job though! I'll be busy most of the time, I've got a HUGE window to parking lot gaze thru, benefits to come, and great co workers to boot!

(Who REALLY uses that phrase without a giggle afterwards?)

Anyway I feel I am finally startin to get the hang of things... After a pretty painful day. Slowly but surely it's starting to sink in and the different problems I will be faced with next week seem do-able.

We'll see how that goes!

Wish me luck!!!

A lil Talon: I just looked to my left and THIS

was sitting next to me.

Totally making noise in my sleeping boy, working husband, empty, extremely QUIET house.

What are the noises you ask??? RED ANTS! Come to find out... Perfectly normal thing for a little Talyman of mine to do. So I jumped, Why? Oh and sitting next to it is his 22. No biggy. It's like totally real. But not really.

Womenly update: Mirena is definately coming out! I'm seriously a crazy person! Thank goodness there is no one here right now or I might have to literally kick butt. And when the judge asks what I was thinking I'll claim slow internet insanity! Aren't people doin that sort of thing these days?? Didn't some dude just claim peanut butter insanity or somethin like that? Seriously! Whatever you're thinking NOW is exactly what I thought while watching the news... Or reading yahoo. Anyways, I think it'd totally work! I'm slow internet connection INSANE! haha

Stupid internet.

oh and I just ate for like 10! And that ice cream was awesome.

crap...

Really?

2010-09-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

I just posted a totally AWESOME, funny, and loveable POST except THEN it DIDN'T POST! Oh my good freakin gosh, heck, darnit! So frustrating! For some reason it didn't autosave and then it kicked me out of my blog all together! Quite depressing. But I won't let it get me down!

The gist of that awesome post:

IUD or my annoying Mirena.
Totally feeling Prego, but without the extra cleve. (super lame)
questioning you on your iud experiences and wether or not ya'll think I should have it taken out. PLEASE ADVICE!
mentioned that I am a not a Southern girl and do not have a Southern accent but I do happen to be a Souther Utah girl that enjoys the word or phrase "ya'll" less hassle then "you all" I suppose.
Mentioned that my husband is HOT and played a awesome game of soccer last night! Total turn on! (and I totally just grossed you out! huh?) haha
I dyed my hair BLACK last night and Pudge totally LOVES it. I'm not certain on my feelings just yet.
and last but not least... That picture at the top has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the post that I posted that didn't work. But I love it! Tres could totally pass for a girl right!? And a perdy one too!

Yeah, I think that was pretty much the gist of it all...

Happy hump day! (don't be gross!)

What do ya think???

Panclocks?

2010-09-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Do people ACTUALLY call pancakes, PANCLOKS in a serious manner? I've heard of such a thing before, but I wonder.... Could it actually be so? At any rate... I made PANCAKES this morning. They were wheat and I didn't read the directions because I was in a hurry. I wish I would have taken a picture! But again, I was in a hurry. So I made a batch for around 20... In the end they turned out alright... I really have no idea why I'm telling you this... I guess to say follow directions, or don't, and just laugh at yourself. And then be glad when they turn out alright. I was pretty glad.

When I got to Talons school this morning I saw a sign that said

"Parent's and Pastries TODAY!"

And I was like WTF (excuse the phrase! I didn't say it out loud, but it was def what I was thinking!) I had not once heard of anything to do with parents and pastries! And I LOVE MAKING PASTRIES! So you can understand my disappointment! I called my husband up and in a state of panic I explained the situation. Of course he's all calm and collected and I'm on the other end of the line huffin and heavin or heavin and huffin? (Neither of those sound right...) So, he opted to call the school and find out just what was going on. I got off the phone and stopped for some gas.

After filling up and grabbin myself a jo I was off to work and Pudge rang me. This is what he said "It was a day where we could go to the his class and read to him while the kids ate the pastries that the parents had made for them" and then I felt like poo. I said "Well.... DID YOU ASK WHY WE DIDN'T GET A NOTE ABOUT THIS DAY???" and he replied "No, but I'm sure it was one of the days that Talon was sick that they sent the note home" Irritated with the fact that he was chewing on SOMETHING and totally carefree about the situation I said "Well don't you think they could have sent it with him the NEXT day or something???" (or something to that effect?)Pudge- "Well yeah, but I'm sure they didn't plan to not send that note home with him, or maybe they did and then he lost it, who knows?" And then I came to my sad realization that he was right.

On my drive to work I was still a little upset but came to the conclusion that I shouldn't be thinking the way I was thinking. I'm pretty sure the teachers didn't scheme up some plan to make sure Talon didn't get that note to us. I'm just thankful to have someone there to slap me when I'm actin a fool!

Side Note: in case you were wondering what we look like when we sleep...

Well, now ya know! If you're thinking what the freak!? Think on! Wouldn't you like to know what EVERYONE looks like when they're sleeping! I know I sure do! Haha... BTW I drule and sometimes Pudge puts his face on it, and then I laugh. And aren't my angels even more angel like when they're sleeping! I LOVE that Pudge took these pictures when he first got home! I think that means he luffs us A LOT! And now I can always remember what my babies looked like BEFORE they became meanagers!

P.S. Pudges picture soon to come! Just don't tell him!

P.S.S. maybe I should change my middle name to random?

Butterball

2010-09-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

oK oK i LIED... I mean, I kid...

Every time Pudgy (my husband) kids around with the Talyman, Tal looks to his Ma for reassurance and with a fat cheeser he asks "Mom, is Dad lying???" Eager to find out if what Pudge is hiding behind his back is actually a drink or candy that his Dad got him from the gas station I always smile and nod to assure him that Dad DOES in fact have a gayade (Gatorade) hiding behind his back. And EVERY TIME Talon looks at Dad and says "you lied" then Dad responds with a "NO, I kid".... So the hiddin meaning behind my random story leads me to the conclusion of the reasoning behind the madness... Which IS that I may or may not have lied but really just kidded when I promised you a daily blog and then accidentally didn't. Oops.

I don't know how you dedicated bloggers do it!

Back to the title of this here blog...

I call him... BUTTERBALL! Do you know who that is??? He is about 2ft tall weighs somewhere around 25lbs and has cheeks and thighs fit for a very enjoyable nibble around 30-40 times a day. You might know the Butterball of mine a bit better by the name of Tres or David Paul Barwick III... Did you know his nickname is Tres BECAUSE he's a 3rd? Well, now ya do.

This kid.

is his fathers son.

But I PROMISE, Neither of them are angry with you!

He's his Mommas sunshine.
I'm his biggest and bestest fan!

The one above is his best friend, his brother, and the one whom knows best to get that lil Butterball gigglin up a storm.

and that, well that's Tres and his spoon. He LOVES to bite his spoons. He thinks he's pretty funny. Which really, he is. We all watch him like we're glued to bravo tv! He is the light, entertainment, and happy part of our days. He's such a angel that God fortunately blessed our family with! He just turned 1 and I can't believe my eyes at how much he's grown! He's got a awesome personality! Tough as nails yet sweet as a peach! I could just eat him up! And yet, I think I'll keep em.

I tried.

2010-09-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

I swear I did! For some reason or another blogger is choosing to be a royal pain in my behind. My posts just wont post all of my posting words. So I'm not a liar, you see! I'll work on it again in the morning and then hitcha with another sometime in the later day hours.

Sorry folkes.
g-night

our day.

2010-09-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

The day I got my best friend, my sweet pea, my love for all eternity back in my life and

arms!

After making our way to Camp Pendelton that mid summers night I quickly dolled myself up. I put on my favorite dress that I had planned to wear just for this once in a lifetime (hopefully) occasion. I makeupd myself, lotioned myself, and spent more then enough time perdying myself... I then waited on the bed while Talon and Tres slept peacefully in the bed next to OURS in OUR Camp P hotel. While I waited I watched the boob tube. It distracted me... For two whole minutes... My everything was nearing and the time was ticking! Around 1am I finally closed my lined and colored lids. It had been a long day of driving to Cali and I knew I needed some rest before I couldn't sleep in the nights ahead of me. Around 1:30am my phone rang! I nearly fell off the bed to hear my loves voice ask me to get some rest. He wouldn't be on base until 3. So I tried and failed to get that rest. Instead I redolled myself up and changed into jeans and a sweater. (SD is freezing in the middle of summer at 3am!) and THEN... I patiently waited. and waited.

And THEN... The phone rang. again.

While driving to area 41 my heart felt like it might explode into a million pieces! The thousands of emotions I was feeling were unlike anything I had ever felt. It was 3:30am and I was sitting in the middle of the back seat with our two little men dozing in and out on both sides of me. Paul (PJs Dad) was driving our durango and Penny (his Ma) sitting beside him. We pulled into that oh so familiar parking lot and I saw MARINES! My heart sank and I sucked back my tears. We dove out of the car but walked casually to that barb wire fence which stood between us and our Marine. We actually ended up standing there watching for about a hour as just about each and every marine walked out from behind that Satan like barb wire fence. By now I was calmer and a little more collected. But nothing prepared me for what stood just over my shoulder.

For some reason or another I turned around. (Pretty sure God tapped me on the shoulder) About 30 ft in front of me stood the Marine I had been dreaming of, the one man who never let me down, who was always there even when he wasn't was now standing in front of ME... Words can't even begin to describe the way I felt, I guess because it's one of those feelings you could say was indescribable. Without a beat of my heart I ran to my Marine! I wrapped my entire body around him and kissed his face about 22 times. And I think it was around 22 that I realised I was being a little selfish... He then headed straight for Talon, he picked him up and kissed him, Talon wide eyed and contented. I then handed him Tres and stood back. I stared for a moment at my husband, my one true love was standing in front of me. It was a most surreal instant that I will never ever forget.

In those few minutes that felt like seconds we were givin before he had to get back to work that morning, I cried the most happiest and thankful tears. That morning was the day our lives together as a whole had really finally started. As I cried I thanked God for my husband, for his strength and for mine, for his courage, for our love, for his safety, and for our beautiful family repeatedly and have continued to do so each day ever since.

When we argue I remind myself that life is too short, when we have our days I remind myself that life is too short, when we have no money and we are absolutely stressed to the MAX I remind myself that life is TOO short, and when I am kissing him and life is simply beautiful I remind myself that life is just wayyyy too short. So I try hard not to sweat the small stuff. I've never been happier then I am now. I never knew life could be so crazy and terrific. I cannot wait for ten, 20, FIFTY years down the road to see where we have landed! Wherever we are, I know we'll be alright, because we've got our love! The kind of love that I dreamed about! The kind of love I read about! The kind of love I always wanted but never thought I'd be lucky enough to get! I've got that! And I do feel so lucky and so so blessed! Thank you husband for being that man in my dreams! You are my night and shinning armor and my love for all eternity.

Sorry. I just got a lil distracted there.... I swear I didn't mean to get all mooshy gooshy lovey dovey on you. Forgive me if you had to take a barf break... I should have warned you to have your brown bag or bowl handy...

I'm sure my lover will like it. That's what really matters.

Hello blogo.

2010-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

We're baaaaaaacckkkkkkkk...

Did you miss us???

Now that I am back here (here as in back in the working Mom scene), I will be posting again for your blogging delightment, enjoyment, pleasures.

I've been slackin horribly and to make up for that slack i'll be throwin a blog at cha every day for the next week! Pinky promise, cross my heart, and eyes. I'll be playing ketchup... Sorta like catch up but actually ketchup with a flare. Hope I get some inspiring comments to keep my motivation rollin like a river!

wink wink... hint hint...

We're back in blogness.

wait it out.

2010-03-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you feel you've only got one last person in the world to turn to and you don't want to burden that one person?

Wait it out. Because tomorrow will be better.

hopefully.

rambles of a tired momma.

2010-03-13T02:28:00.000-08:00

I've got two very handsome sick boys asleep in their beds. Getting them to sleep wasn't the easiest thing I did today. It's 3:29 am.

My boys are asleep, it wasn't the easiest thing to get them there, and I am wide eyed at 3:29am. There is definately something wrong with this picture. But I don't mind. I'm just thankful my babies are sleeping peacefully.

My husband called me TWO times in 24 hours yesterday! I'm so excited for him! He was moved into a new tent and now has a mattress and a air conditioner! Can you believe it? The men fighting for OUR freedom NOW for the last 2 months of their deployment have a little padding for their beat up bodies to rest on. I'm just so giddy for him. He sounded quite tickled himself. In the midst of our 20 minute conversation he mentioned (randomly-I might add) that he wants to paint my finger nails and toe nails. Uhhh? Haha I laughed and knowing my corky lover I responded with a "WHHHHHat?" He replied "When I get home you are doing NOTHING I want to spoil you, pamper you, and NEVER stop touching you! I'm not even going to let you wipe your own butt!" he said. And I stopped him there... "ummm I don't think I'll be letting you paint my nails or allowing you to wipe my butt. But I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!" Seriously... Where did I get this guy? Thank goodness he loves me unconditionally. If those very words don't prove it... I'm not sure what would?

I'm craving asparagus like a pregnant women! I may be entering that time of month soon so really, it makes perfect sense. Any way, asparagus soup entered my mind around 2am and I've been plotting the perfect recipe to try for lunch tomorrow-I mean today. We'll see how it goes. I'm one to follow my nose, heart, and mind when it comes to cooking. Following others recipes is just not my thang. I learned what I know from my Momma, my Poppa, Food Network, and trial and error of course. Lately FOOD is top priority... Well after my childen... duh. But seriously FOOD is pretty much all I think about. And I often ask myself "what is wrong with you?" and I truly worry that I will end up over weight if I continue on this way... But I quickly dismiss these thoughts with the fact that I do make some wonderful dishes! There is nothing better then a heavenly plate full of food to me. A plate Where everything meshes together perfectly and every bite that enters the mouth just melts and leaves you asking WHAT IS THAT? and HOW CAN I MAKE IT? And now your wondering "what's wrong with her!?" Aren't you? Well... Get your hiney over here. Anytime. Just let me know, I'll fix you a plate of some yummyness and THEN and only then will you know JUST WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I'd like to think of myself as somewhat of a foody. We'll see what happens down the road. I've got a long road of food ahead of me. And I can't WAIT!

Now I shall try for a little shut eye. Oh my goodness. time. Actually, I might PRAY for some shut eye.

Good morning world.

Loves.

My tribute.

2010-03-02T08:01:00.001-08:00

I am madly in love with Nie Nie.
She is thee epitome of beauty.
She is whom I look to on a sad lonely day.
She is whom I think of when I am feeling weak.
She is my constant reminder to keep on keepin on.
She is strong beyond belief and she refuses to give up.
I can only pray to the heavens above that I might one beautiful day be as genuine, kind, strong, brave, and so absolutely gorgeous inside and out.
I am trying everyday.
Thank you so much Stephanie Nielson.
You are my daily inspiration.
YOU are my idol.

Love with all my heart, McKenna Barwick

He's gettin so big!

2010-03-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

Last night Talon walked in the house with a batman puter (computer-he calls it puter) and I said "Talon who's is that?" he replied "my boys" I told him I was going to put it up and insisted we ask "his boy" if he gave it to Talon or not (because he insited he did)... Well this morning He walks out to the front room wide eyed as ever and the first words out of his mouth were "MOM! A GHOST GOT THE BATMAN PUTER DOWN FROM WAY UP HIGH UP THERE! Wanna come see it!?!?!" He must have got a chair, climbed up the counter and reached to the top of the cupboard to get it down. All in the middle of the night, while I was sleeping...

Gotta hand it to the kid... He's pretty clever.

bad first because I want you to think good of me.

2010-02-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

The bad:
My boobs are gone. My thighs have cottage cheese markings. My stretch marks are even more apparent then ever before. I haven't got around to training for the marathon (which has been a dream of mine for the past 3 years!) The house is a mess. Talon may or may not have just said a naughty word... Tres is now addicted to his bink. I'm behind on our savings plan. I'm usually a day or two behind on paying our bills. I just barely got us caught up on debt... And I spent another hundred at Walmart last night. I beat myself up every night for the bad. I have anxiety about the bad. And I wonder a LOT why I continue to allow the bad to exist!

The worst part: I know it is all my choice. I beat myself up repeatidly because I decided to get behind on house work, bills, running... I know it could all be so much better! And that is the most frustrating thing in the world!

The good: My husband That hottie! He says he loves my little boobs (he may be lying but he is good at making me believe him). He is blind when it comes to cottage cheese and stretch marks. I've been workin out with my favorite youtube trainer for the past 3 weeks! Our house is really coming together decoration wise. It's more homey then ever. Although the house is a mess I am much more organized then I have ever been and actually have been doing the dishes every night! But that doesn't mean the laundry is done... Talon and Tres are now sleeping in their own beds... Most nights... And Talon likes to climb in bed with me around 5ish every morning. I'm quite the little cook (rappers say you have to be confident, so this is my new strategy-confidence!:) I'm more comfortable in my own skin then I have ever been. I've spent more time with Talon in these past 5 months then I think I did in the 3 years before the deployment put together. Staying home with the boys has been life changing for me! I now know what I was born to be (their Mommy)!

The best part: After having a long talk about all the bad with my hubs this morning I realized regardless if things are perfect when he gets home or not-he loves me and he will ALWAYS love me.

his arms are the most comfortable place in the world to me!

The most best beyond bestest part: Being loved this much is by far the most BESTEST most TINGLY most WONDERFUL most EXTRAORDINARILY FABULOUS part.

blah.

2010-02-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

This morning I sat at our kitchen table next to my cup of joe facing the computer and my recent bit of happiness (wilting flowers)... My husband was on the line and I was feeling rather blah. I normally do not allow my blahness to seep into our conversations but for some reason I was achingly sad and I just didn't feel like pretending. I can't really pinpoint the reasons behind this sadness nothing really comes to mind. Maybe it's the normalcy I have been feeling lately like I'm in a rut everything is unchanging, and I feel myself dreading the days, like this deployment will never end.

I hate when the bad days sneak up on me, I try my hardest to push and shove those days right out the door, but sometimes I just can't seem to kick um and one way or another today my blahness had it's way with me. I wanted to cry, I did cry, a little. My husband was ending our conversation and I was secretly in tears. He asked what was wrong and told me he knew I was down. I said I was fine, but we both knew I was not. Talon was repeatedly shooting me with his Nerf gun and laughing as loud as possible every time I was hit! I wanted to be far far away. Far away with my husband, away from the stress, the laughter, and the crying. I sat at the kitchen table wiping my tears quickly so he wouldn't notice. Part of me wanted to jump up and break that Nerf gun! But I didn't. I kept my cool and sat at the table emotionless.

I'm good at hiding emotion, and I'd have to say it's become a curse. I hold it in until i'm about to burst and when I finally do I'm normally yelling, not crying. So there I was crying in front of Talon for the first time since I don't know when. Even when Peej left I hid my tears as I was now. But just like then he knew something was wrong, and his genuine concern put a smile on my face.

Moments later I noticed Cameo outside my window. I brushed it off because my husband had just sent me flowers earlier this week. A few moments later the doorbell rang and a smirk colored my face. I opened the door and there was a sweet grey haired blue eyed women greeting me with a large smile. We exchanged my autograph for the flowers and I ran to the kitchen to place them on the table and open the card! The card read-

Have a great day babe!
I love and miss you.
Love, your husband

And so, I tried my hardest to make it a better day. The flowers defiantly helped.

My favorite!

2010-02-02T19:39:00.000-08:00

today... I GOT THESE!!!!!

From my very thoughtful husband whom ordered them from about 9,ooo miles away! You can imagine my suprise and excitement! He called right when Cameo was pulling up! I was oober giddy and so happy that he was on the phone to feel my excitement along with me. I'm having a rough day today, I've been feeling that time of month that I haven't experienced for over a year coming on ALLLLLLL day long! I'm in so much pain, super achy, and feeling rather pukey. So his surpise couldn't have come at a better time! What an amazing man I have! What a lucky girl I am!!!!

Also, earlier today I checked my blog and found this...

I am so proud of our boy! I miss you guys so much. I found a way to get on here but I can't do it very much because I am not supposed to. I say "Eat the apple F the corps." I am gonna stick it to the man anyway I can. Awww honey I miss you so much. Words cannot even begin to describe how much I love you. You are my strength and for that I thank you. Remember we dove into the pool, hit the bottom, and now we are swimming for air. I need you, my oxygen. I swear my lungs are about to burst but I know they can hold. I love you.

That man is my everything! When I am feeling weak he is always there to catch me before I fall. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such a great guy, but I am SO WILLING to always have him right by my side!

YAY FOR DASIES!

I LOVE YOU SO GOSH DARN FREAKING MUCH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY! THANK YOU, THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Talyman...

2010-02-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

The dude is cool. Just yesterday while standing in front of the bathroom mirror I noticed a 3 ft, blond haired boy looking into the same mirror with a backwards slanted hat on and the exact words that came out of his mouth were "it's cool huh?" After I realized the higher pitch thrown in towards the end of that question I was a little floored... He thinks he's such a gangsta, but he's the sweetest little man I know. And him being mine has nothing to do with it!

I've faced it, Talon's favorite place to go just isn't church. We went the weekend before we left for Idaho and I decided to venture into Primary with him... WOW, you should have seen the look of shock on this kids face! I couldn't figure out if he was thinking "what is wrong with these people?" or "what is wrong with my Mom for never bringing me to such a freakin cool place!" Well, This last Sunday he confirmed the second one to be true although the look on his face did lean more towards "what is wrong with these people?" the last time, I think THIS TIME he may have started to think "humm... Maybe this is what normal people do???" So he went along with it. And a mighty fine job of going along with it he did! He actually danced the little jigs (head, shoulders, knees, and toes and other songs of that sort) and he even tried to sing. When the teacher asked for attention well, Talon was good about it for the most part. Lets just say there were other kids that distracted the class more then him. I was one proud Momma and after primary I asked him if he'd like to go to class with Mason (his cousin). He accepted Masons little hand and I walked proudly behind. When we reached the class I decided I'd stay. This teacher was actually subbing for the childrens regular this particular Sunday, so I'm not sure how much she enjoyed mine and Tres' presence, I think we may have made her feel a little uncomfortable, but had no intentions of that at all! So sorry Mrs....... ummm I'm just a horrible student. But she was a very nice teacher and did a GREAT job of getting the kids to listen and participate. She was even able to get Talon to participate, and I probably shouldn't sound so surprise (I am his Mother of course) but I've never seen him in a actual classroom setting before. He did GREAT! I was stunned that he did just as well as the other children in the classroom! He answered questions such as what do you tell Heavenly Father you are thankful for when you pray? His answer "I'm thankful for PJ!" My heart melted undoubtedly. After that Mason and Tal talked quite a bit about PJ, maybe too much, but of course I didn't mind. When the class was coming to a close Mrs. blank asked one last question "what do we do when we get ready to pray?" Talon raised his hand and spoke abruptly "You close your eyes, fold your arms, and eat dinner!" Haaaaaaa he was rather hungry towards the end of class and looked at me while he spoke. Almost with a dirty look I do believe (he'd been asking for some string cheese throughout the whole class but I wouldn't give him any because I didn't have enough for all of the children).

Well, last night my little man surprised me again, after finishing up on cooking dinner for My sister, her boys, myself, and Talon we sat at the dinner table to hearty feast. We all dug in, but one little guy sat quietly, I looked up and he had his eyes closed and his arms folded and he said "I'm thankful for PJ, amen." It was like music to my ears! He confirmed it, we'll be attending church every Sunday from now on.

He's growing up so fast and getting taller and skinnier daily! He says the cutest and nastiest things sometimes, but I can't help but sit back and love the thought of every word that comes out of that little mouth. Here are a few things my little Talon just loves to say to his Mommy, partly so I can remember, and partly so he can apologize to me and laugh with me about it at all someday...

"Mom, clean your room!" I don't blame him for that one.
"Mom can you wipe the table off? It has germs."
"Mom, can I go play with my girls?" There are a few girls that he likes to play with at the park across the street. He calls them my girls because he is unsure of their names. Surprisingly he came home the other day asking to play with Lindsy, I guess that means he's making friendship progress?
"Mom can I play with my scary kids?" He calls the boys in the neighborhood this I think partially because I was naughty and told him they weren't very nice after one of them STOLE HIS SKATEBOARD and I had to go retrieve it, and partially because they really aren't very nice to him. But he continues to ask to play with them, so when he gets real lucky and I can see them ALL through my window, I let him go out.
Lately while speaking to Talon about his bad behavior after timeouts he looks up at me with his hands out in front of him and eagerly asks... "WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?"
Every morning he runs to my bedroom and says "Mom get up!"
After waking me from the 3 hours of beauty sleep I'd just received he says "get me a snack!" and I reply "no, it's morning you don't get brownies for breakfast" and because brownies are all he ever REALLY wants to eat, we compromise with some chocolaty cereal which is probably equally unhealthy.
In recent soccer, football, and baseball games with Talon I've found that he can be a bossy lil bleep at times. He likes to say things like "stand here" "don't run" "tackle me! no, NOT LIKE THAT!" He knows how he likes to play, and he's not one for messing around.
He also asks things like "How did you sleep? You sleep good?" "How are you today Mom" right after I ask him of course. And when the day comes to a end he always asks "Mom will you read two or three books tonight?" With a suddle pitch change when he says three. But he usually passes out after two.
He also likes to ask "what time is it" at very random times throughout the day. Which he usually follows with "Can we go to donalds?"
and last but not least Talon seems to think he is a transformer slash ninja... This makes for some pretty noisy days and a occasional pat on the back from his ninja sword. Most of my days consist of Talon running back and forth throughout the house with all that endless energy making noises that I don't even think some transformers can make. My Mom tells me I should record him and he could become a sound double. haha... Maybe I'll record him so you all can hear. I think anyone in their right mind would get a kick out of it.

He's also been such a good big brother to Tres and helps his Momma so much with him. When I shower he gives him a binky when he cries, and plays in front of him. Sometimes he even shares his toys with him by stacking them all around him. At night he gets out of bed to tell me about every little noise Tres makes. He always wants to hold him and even asks me to take pictures of them together. He's a proud big brother and it's so fun to watch.

Peej and I recently came to the conclusion that we're going to HAVE to take Talon to Disneyland for his 5th Birthday! Talon will be turning 5 June 3rd and we will be in CALI! I'm so excited to see his big brown eyes light up when he sees Mickey!

He's getting so big, and I just couldn't be anymore proud. Hence the reason you got to hear all about him! Thanks for listening.

love always, McKenna Barwick

blog- it does a body good.

2010-01-31T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well hello there again my dearest friends. I've come to the realization that only my dearest of dear dear friends find time to get around to checking out my blog these days... I'm not complaining, it's completely understandable and there is no one to blame but myself! For awhile there I sorta disappeared. There were many reasons for my disappearance though you see!! Things such as my husband leaving, falling into a certain hole (called our house), I was caught up and trying to make our life's a bit more comfortable and normal, Best Buy informed us that a new AC adapter was going to cost a butt load more then Dell was actually selling it for on their website (liars), and I was busy cooking my life away... You see, it's only partially my fault! But I'll woman up and humbly take reponsibility anyways (because I'm just that sort of person) Anyways... While I was out and about focused on making things as normal as I possibly could without our PJ, cooking, remembering to bathe our children, and shopping at my favorite place (DI), I was one day baffled by the thought of no computer. And then a light clicked (after I finally got the flippin thing off that stupid lamp!) but really, I have been one stupid girl. And don't you even try to tell me that I have not! I have. I have wasted precious blogging time, missed out on favorite blogs that I struggle daily to catch up on, left some bloggers behind, and maybe irritated a few people with my disappearance... You see, stupid.

So my dears, I have decided that with this new AC adapter I am givin another chance... A new day to mend broken relationships, a easier way to blog, no way to excuse not finding the perfect online culinary school, and absolutely no reason to use my overdraft protection (online banking is such a peach)... YAY for me!

And why you ask is McKenna so chipper and sounding a little cooky? Well, I've lost more then a lot of sleep these past few weeks... Just tonight I was telling PJ's parents that I can't whine about it because PJ isn't sleeping either, they suggested that maybe it's empathy sleep loss? Maybe? Who knows? All I know is that I definitely should be sleeping right now, but instead I find myself here, blogging to only my closest of closest dears. Hopefully someday I will regain my ginormously humungous fan base (becuase you know I am pretty much the most coolest of cool girls in the STG) but until that day I'll keep on keepin on with you people whom read me blog. Again, I'm not complaining, I promise if you are at all unsure.

I think I'll try for a little shut eye now. My husband is on a two day mission (which probably seems like week sauce to some of you, but it's not!) so anyway, I thought a blog might do my body good. I think it has, I did myself a favor by trying to make YOU laugh.

Sleep well my beautifully small fan base... (I really do appreciate and love each and everyone of you!) PROMISE! :)

love is God, and God is so, so GOOD!
McKenna Barwick

One more thing...

My happy, cuddely, warm place whom has taught me to never take life to seriously, and to always go wit da flow...

miss him

Letters to you...

2010-01-27T22:14:00.000-08:00

I sit here in the many comforts of this life and of our home I'm cozied up to your computer, our warmest blanket surrounds me, the sounds of Tres cooing himself to sleep and drops of rain patter on the ground. thoughts of you engulf my mind, and I can't help but wonder is it raining there? are you cold? Do you have enough blankets? Did you get a descent meal? And was it warm when you ate it? Did you get to shower today? I wonder have you slept in the last 24 hours? And have you seen things today that you're thankful your family doesn't have to? Are you feeling sane today my sweet love??? I miss you so and I'm always wondering, I'm always thinking, and I'm always praying.

I wonder if others ever wonder as I do. I think it's definitely one thing to be married to or a family member of someone in the military, and another thing to be a friend or someone looking in from the outside. Before I met my husband I really didn't think too much of our troops, I was blind and maybe a little ignorant when it came to the war. Once you are emotionally attached to a man OR women fighting in the war, your eyes are really opened. My eyes have been opened in ways I haven't really wanted them to be, but in other ways of course I am thankful... Sometimes I STILL find myself to be blind, and in someways ungrateful to everything the brave men and women of the military are doing for our country, I am caught off guard while being lazy, letting housework go, or just spending to much money on unnecessary objects, when thoughts such as "my husband could be putting his life on the line this very instant and I'm sitting back watching this lame show" as I open a soda, WHICH I might add he does not have the luxury of, BUT I am humbled daily by the greatest man I have ever known and each day I feel I grow more educated and a little wiser towards the war, my husband, and life in general...

This deployment has made me view life in ways I never really thought I would or even could. Every night I thank God for the beautiful life that he has blessed me with right after I ask him to watch closely over my husband... Kind of ironic that now at possibly the hardest point in my life, I feel more grateful, blessed, and content then I ever have. Really though, times are only real hard when I hear the distress in PJs voice. I try not to think too much about how horrible this must be for him. I feel I am definitely the lucky one out of the two of us in our present situation. But he is trying to stay positive, and most of our conversations consist of me workin to get a laugh out of him, and talk about how wonderful it all will be again, soon enough.

We're the lucky ones! I can't imagine having to go through this any longer then we are being punished too thus far... My fingers are crossed that we will never have to go through this again! BUT I would if I had to in a heartbeat! I'm so very thankful to my husband and all other forces out there working to make our world a better and safer one for all of us! Where would we all be without these brave men and women? From the very depths of my being I'm so VERY proud of my husband! I eek and ooze my proudness everyday! My husband loves what he does, and that's more then enough to make me so gosh darn proud of him... Did I mention I am extremely proud?!?

Late at night I imagine your arms around me, your body close to mine, your breath on my neck, and I can't help but smile... Some of the happiest moments of my life were just laying in bed with you all around me. It's those thoughts that make me feel closest to you my love.

and I can't help it, he's made me the sap I am today...

last night...

2010-01-21T11:24:00.000-08:00

Last night you called while I was lying in the bath. We talked for about a hour and my bath water turned cold. I stepped out of that bath wishing you were there to fetch me a towell because as always, I had forgotten.
I miss you more everyday and I didn't even think that was possible. I can't wait to see you standing right infront of me. My nose will meet yours and our lips will reunite! It's a moment I've placed on replay in my head... I cannot wait! I cannot wait!!!!

I need...

2009-12-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

There is reason behind each of these simple things that I really do need... I thought I'd stick um up here to remind me how very badly I do want and need em...

The reason behind numero uno...

My lover life gave me the wonderful idea to buy a large amount of sticky notes so I could use them as reminders. Reminders??? You ask... Yes, reminders... He gave me the wonderful idea to post sticky notes all over our home with written reminders of all the things BIG and small that I'd like to accomplish in these next few months while he is overseas... He says sticky notes keep him focused on the big picture, so I thought I'd try the sticky notes on for size.

So, if you enter my house anytime soon, I'll just have to hope that you've recently read my blog, so that you might not think of me as a total nutcase with different colored sticky notes randomly placed throughout our humble aboud...

Here's to us!

2009-12-17T12:30:00.000-08:00

This has been one challenging year... BUT I'd honestly have to say it has been the best year of my life! I've learned a LOT! I married the man of my dreams, gave life to our angel #2, I found the McKenna I've been longing to find, and I said "see ya soon" to the man of my dreams as he walked off into the sunrise to fight a battle thousands of miles away from his new family. Lifes been good & hard this past year and I thought, what better time then now to blog about it? It's all coming to a end, but it's the best new beginning I ever could have imagined...

As you all know my hubs is far far away off fighting for our country in Afghanistan. Since he left I've been on a whirlwind of emotion. I couldn't be happier that I FINALLY met the man of my dreams, and I also couldn't be more upset that he was one called to fight. I've definetly got some mixed emotions going on. I'm so proud of him. He is the most beautiful man inside and out to me!

Nearly 12 months ago I peed on a stick... I never in a million years thought that one little plus sign would so drastically change my life for the better. At that moment in time it felt more like a minus sign in my mind then a plus. I sat on the bathroom floor nearly in tears when PJ came to my side to assure me everything would be ok. Soon after that pregnacy test I came to the realization that ever since the day Talon was born my life has been changed for the better, so I knew that this would be a rough 9 months where I'd be unsure of our future but I just knew whatever was to come of PJ and I, another blessing from God couldn't hurt. PJ and I quickly grew closer over those next few months... It was almost like God had slapped me in the face with Tres' lil hand. I knew PJ loved me at the time, I was just too scared to realize how in love I was with him. Tres' backhand did the trick! Peej and I were already inseperable, but now I knew I was madly in love with him.

One busy day sometime in June I came home to find my then boyfriend crouched up sitting on our bedroom floor talking to someone on the phone, my heart sunk, I just knew... Later that night as my love and I lay in bed our eyes swelling with tears he asked me to marry him. With tears in my eyes I said YES! And just one month later we were married! In our last months together before he was deployed, we made life the best we could. We focused on our time together and not the moments apart. He was often in Cali training to leave. It was a hard time, and there were definetly tears, but we focused on our love to get us through.

Come September it was Tres' time to enter our world. PJ was in 29 palms just trying his hardest to focus on his training. While lying there in that hospital bed I found that this was the hardest battle I had fought all year, and I just knew it was because my husband wasn't there to help me fight this one. Laying there thinking of what would be different if he was there was like torture! His hand in mine, his words of comfort, his smiling face (he was so excited to be a Daddy!)... So, I tried my hardest not to think. THANKFULLY he was allowed to call me for the first time that month when I found out I was going into labor. Once I was ready to start pushing, he was able to listen... Between each breath I listened to my love cry. He told me I was doing good, and afterwards I got my words of encouragement. He praised me and told me how much he loved us. Looking back I can't beleive I didn't cry more like I am now! Haha...

A few weeks later he was able to come home to meet his new little man. We spent as much time as we possibly could cuddeled up on our couch together, just the four of us, one happy lil family. I watched my husband stare at all three of us in a way I had never seen him stare those last few weeks we got to spend together. And God knows I stared at him. There's just something about knowing your not going to see someone for months at a time that really helps you to realize your love for that someone. We all fell even more madly in love those last few weeks then I ever could have imagined we'd fall.

Now he is far away and we still speak often, thankfully! Everytime we speak I am reminded of how madly in love we are. And every night I thank God for such a gosh darn freaking AMAZING love. I'm more content with life then I have ever been! Although my husband is far far away, I feel his love every minute of every hour. I still talk with him in the kitchen, laugh with him in bed, cuddle with him on the couch, watch him in a gun fight with Talon, and hold his baby Tres... Every night in my dreams he is there, we are together, it's like magic.

This year has been a life changing year. Everything is different! Me mostly, and it's a very positive change. My husband has helped me to learn more about life in the past year in a half then I've learned about it in that past 20. I'm so thankful for my husband! I honestly feel he is my angel in disguise. And of course he has his faults as all of us do. But, in our life together we've found where one of us is lacking the other makes up for it. As Jack Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets-You make me wanna be a better man... & that's just what I tell my husband! He really does make me wanna be a better man! ;) In this year I'd have to say the very best lesson that I have learned, that I just recently realized is that you have to surround yourself with people that make you want to be the best you that you can be! My family definetly does that. And everyday (as my husband would say) "I win a small battle" I'm taking baby steps, and it feels great!
So, here's to the good, the bad, and to us! May we always live, learn, laugh, love and grow like there's no tomorrow!

This is going to be one looooong road... But, I couldn't imagine my travels without you.

hibernation barrier...

2009-08-20T09:27:00.001-07:00

"Ouuuuchhhhhh" I whimpered as I climbed into my freshly washed bed sometime yesterday morning. Talon was out being his normal mischievous self (the thought of him on our front steps always brings a smile to my face.) I'd scrubbed, cloroxed, swept, hand and knee moped, and dusted every inch of our small but very comfortable home, and I was ready for a nap. I might inform you that this was sometime after 8am when I am SUPPOSED to be at work... Maybe 11ish? Well, after I finally was able to pull myself from that fresh sent of downy just eeking from my sheets, I decided it was a good time to grab my lil lovers hand and walk 50 feet to crying babies and my beautiful sister whom was watching her daily round up of favorite television shows. I found a comfortable place to sprawl out and take a load off. We talked during commercials and I casually watched the time just tick away... I'm sure it was around 1ish when I stood up to look in the refrigerator for a little som'n, som'n when I said "I don't think I'll be attending work today" my sister choked up under her breath a little.

I KNOW I'm absolutely BONKERS (i like that word) for EVER missing a day of the most amazing job that has been so accommodating to all of my needs for the past 2.5 years... BUT, but, but... I have about a hundred excuses of WHY I'd rather sit around and be lazy or play with Talon in Ash's new glorious sandbox for the day. BUT I'm not going to go on about excuses, because excuses are annoying, and I'd rather not be such a word today. Plus, I'm just being irresponsible by being lazy, but I don't really care anymore. If we can afford for me to quit, then we can afford for me to miss a day... I just have a hard time handling the guilty feeling inside my anxious chest. Sheesh I wish it were easier, BUT I'm so glad it's not.

I need to hibernate (hows that for me sliding around the excuses and getting straight to the point? but really not sliding so well... I guess it's still an excuse... BUT I DO!) and I wont... I would just like to. I'm so lucky to have the MOST understanding and WONDERFUL boss EVER! (now watch, I'll get fired..) But I really am lucky! For many things other then just an amazing job and boss... I'm very lucky, for you even! (Thank you for reading!)

I'd like a good book, a hairy chested structurally fit, smelly good, handsome man to cuddle me up and read to me right about now... God, I miss him. I'll just continue to keep breathing and doing what must be done BECAUSE it is what must be done. Everyone tells me I must be strong to wait for my husband, I don't think so... I'm just in love! I can't give up now. sighhhhh....

Hope everyone is having a very pleasant Thursday morning! TGTIF! (Thank goodness tomorrow is friday!!!) haha

LOVES!

Something happy.

2009-08-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

my B-E-A-utiful family! And the memories we will share a lifetime together!

Dear self,

2009-08-12T13:07:00.001-07:00

This morning while bathing yourself with that nearly empty (hooray!) coconut scrub that is no longer very pleasing to your nose buds, YOU had a pleasant thought, sorta like an epiphany!

Playback: Having Talon was one of the VERY best days of your life, and even though PJ will not be here to hold your leg and or hand and yell "PUUUUSH!!!!", or to tell you that "everything is going to be ok", or to throw some encouraging words like "You're doin awesome!" in, THIS day will most certainly be another best day mark on your life calendar... So, quit feeling sorry for yourself and remember that he will be there shortly after to enjoy the life that we brought into the world together! Because weather he is here or not, he really will be there because we are always together in heart... And belly maybe even? Maybe having a little PJ inside of you is what helps you feel that much closer to big PJ.

I just can't wait to have our baby in my arms to introduce him to his Daddy! That will most definatly be one more best day ever check on both of our calendars! I can't wait!! :)

Mucho love,
McKenna Barwick

P.S. I need your address!

Rules for my unborn son...

2009-08-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just spent the better half of my day reading all of this amazing advice one Father would like to pass on to his now born son. I will be pre-ordering this book that comes out in October. Tres & Talon will most certainly be graced with many lines from this book for the better part of thier lives (with me!)

Just a few personal favorites...

“ I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it." Cameron, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“ Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

"376. If you need music on the beach, you're missing the point."

"371. If you have the right of way, TAKE IT." (This would be Peej's personal fav! He can't stand when people stall if they have the right of way!) haha

"367. You marry the girl, you marry her whole family."

"360. Never under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant." (This one hits the spot!)

I'd personally like to advise you to check it out! Especially if you are pregnant or have ever had thoughts about someday having a beautiful baby boy.

Much love,
McKenna Barwick

What happens to my flowers.

2009-08-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

Nat's & smells... and not the pleasant kind of smell.

it's so hard to chuck um... But I did, and I didn't even cry. It's like another peice of him is going away. I miss him every second of every hour of everyday.

contagious laugh...

2009-08-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

it's worse then the swine flu!

I may or may not have peed my pants... just a lil...

if your a bird, I'm a bird...

2009-08-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

when my love handed me the notebook only a few dates into our relationship I had no idea where life was about to lead us... I can still remember thinking "Wow. He must really like me to give me this!" The Notebook was a book he read while in Iraq just a few months before we met for the first time. I'd never been much of a reader myself, but he insisted I read it... The pages were damaged and I think I might have imagined tears on the pages (just made it that much more romantic to me). It wasn't until I was nearly half way through this heart wrenching love story when a tear ran down my face... Peej and I were having our ups and downs (because I was a lil koo koo of course) I shoved the Notebook into my face... I breathed it in and thought of him in Iraq. I found myself caught up and what he was thinking while reading that exact page. At that moment I just KNEW Peej was who I wanted to be with forever! I can't explain it, the smell of the book, the thought of his face, caught up in the moment, I really just knew. I love that book... I know, I know, everyone loves that book, and the movie too of course! but what's not to love! It's amazing and filled with a romance that I picture my life with Peej to be like forever... Through good and bad, our love story will prevail! Haha! People say you can't compare life to fairy tale, and marriage to romance novels or movies. I can! My husband is defiantly comparable to Noah and other handsome studs in the romances I grew up on... He's kind, and gentle, and never stops thinking about me! He'd do anything to make me smile and loves me just the way I am... My love life is defiantly comparable to a love story, it's just a love story that has a little extra added drama, but I'll take it! The drama keeps us among the straight and narrow and always keeps us running back to each other for more, more, more! I'm feeling very sentimental if you hadn't noticed... I just daydream about us all day and I can't wait for him to get his butt home so we can spend forever loving each other!! Love you baby!

always a fav...

much love,
McKenna Barwick

it's all your fault...

2009-08-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to dedicate one of my favorite songs to that hubby of mine... I know or at least I hope you'll be reading this tonight my love and I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart! I listened to #1 a lot on my long drives back and forth to see you in SLC and this song perfectly describes our relationship, my feelings and the love I have for you. Thank you for being my husband and the most perfect one at that! And thanks for letting me be so SUPER cheesy sometimes too! Loveee you!

"Head Over Feet"

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

would be ok.

2009-07-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

The first question I usually hear when speaking of my husbands up coming journey is... "He's going to miss the birth??" I usually find a way not to think about this. I usually put the thought in the back of my mind like a piece of old paper with meaningless words written all over it. My sister also had the courtesy to remind me that PJ will not be cutting Tres's umbilical cord. These thoughts that I am constantly running from are so often shoved to the very for fronts of my mind, and usually send a sharp pain from the tip top to the very bottom of my heart.
I think I do a pretty darn good job of "not thinking" about my new hubbies ventures to fight a battle from the middle of a LAV anti tank where he will be shooting some of the most dangerous missiles ever created. And if my "not thinking" plan doesn't work, pretending "I'm ok" usually does. Peej tells me I'm much stronger then others. I think I just hide it better, and I think he knows that. I can hear the pain in my lovers voice, I know he's stressed, and sick about leaving his new family. But he is so strong and hides his pain much better than I do.

So far I've kept pretty busy, work helps quite a bit with that. I've stayed about an hour later then usual the past 3 days and the time seems to just tick away. Sometimes I feel I am not here, like my body is here but my mind is everywhere else, but really I have no idea where my mind is because I cannot recall any other thoughts. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm just not me without him. Everything about me feels different.

Talon and I played in the bath tub this morning. Tres was kicking so hard I nearly puked lying in bed last night. Time is flying and Tres and I have only 2 months left until we are no longer so truly inseparable. Talon asks for Peej every night and when I say "Peej is fighting the bad guys" he replies "but it's dark outside, tell him to look at the sky! It's time to come home." Tal is all about the books, before Peej left he'd read Talon 3 books a night as I dozed off beside them. Now that I have taken on the responsibility I am struggling with two! Peej says I'll get better. Hopefully Tres is a super easy babe and I can get enough rest to ensure reading 3 books a night to Talon. I know it's very good for him. My boys are getting bigger and I can't wait for Tres to finally make his big debut!

So all in all, we are ok. Not thinking, or pretending not to think, whatever works just works... But... We really would be ok if our provider, lover, friend, jar opener, cuddling partner, book reader, husband, and Daddy was here. BUT I do know we will be ok once we have settled into our new lives, even more ok then we are now. I know that God has great plans for our family. I believe in Peej and I am so proud of him everyday. He is my rock! I just can't wait for the day that he comes home. But I will... If I have to!

Much love,
Mrs. McKenna Barwick

P.S. LOTS of pictures to come! I can't wait to show you!
P.S.S. In upcoming events: My new and amazing in laws, skis, and Madre are workin on the baby shower! I'll let you in on the details as soon as I've got some!

10 ton

2009-07-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

With all the weight in the world just resting on our shoulders, I'd like to thank God for putting you in front of me to be my husband for all eternity. Just laying in your arms relieves my every stress. I can't imagine my life without you, and I'm so thankful I no longer have to.

I can't wait to say I do!!!
Just 3 more days!

Happy place!

2009-06-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

So the Barwick family decided to force a Miss Errin Andrus on a little hike through the wilderness, and in exchange we received these!!!

my 7 month old baby bump!

I couldn't be happier with the way they turned out! I really feel she captured the happiness and love in our cute little family. I will cherish these photos for a lifetime and I can't wait to hang them up all over our casa!

Thank you Errin! You've outdone yourself again! You're an amazing photographer!

Much love,
the Barwick clan!

Look at THIS!

2009-06-18T13:51:00.000-07:00

I Waaaaant it!

morning showers.

2009-06-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

this mornin I lay in bed with my dearest... Happy as a clam (whatever that expression really means, I am unsure of) I day dreamt of days that we will be able to just lay again. The stress of the world brings us down, but that love of ours always brings us back up.
He surprises me with a clean house and warm towels out of the dryer... He rubs my bee stung foot until I tell him the pain has gone away. He even held a bowl of ice on it while I fell asleep. He reads to Tal and I every night, and then comes back to get me once Tal has fallen asleep. He reminds me of the unconditional love he has for me daily, that is needed, I know once he is gone that reminder will be a memory that is greatly appreciated.
I made omelets, because I insisted. Otherwise he would not allow me to make breakfast, he'd say "babe, you make dinner!" and refuse on letting me make a suitable meal more then once a day. But today I whined because omelets sounded rather tasty. He complied, but only because he hates whining.
we ate on our patio, enjoyed the morning air, and giggled at "Talon batman" as he whisked up his cape across the street to play with his new found friends.
I've been a horrible friend, daughter, sister, and employee this past few weeks. But surprisingly I'm rather ok with it... My man and my little man are all that have been desirable to me... They soothe my every night, and fulfill my everyday. Being with them makes me forget about what is soon to come. I need that right now. There love gives me strength... I am being rather selfish, I think that's ok right now.
any way, I'm rambling... I suppose I'll try to entertain myself with the better things I should be doing here at work.

Have a great Thursday everyone!
much love,
McKeeenna

chocolate is good.

2009-06-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

peanut butter M&M's are my favorite. Peanut M&M's are a close second, while regular M&M's just don't tickle my fancy as the others do...

What?
it's just a mid afternoon snack... Gee, maybe I should stop buying the guys so much candy.... They might get fat or something...

MMMMmmm strawberry shake anyone????????

& I'm thinking stuffed shell spinach and mushroom manicotti TONIGHT!
I guess I'm hungry... :)

Have a great Wednesday everyone.
Much love my friends!

I'd just like to mention...

2009-06-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

CHANGE OF PLANS. This is a must read!

Peej and I have decided on a backyard family wedding... With all the planning and constant turning down of places to be married, I felt a heart attack coming on at the age of 22. I now realize planning a wedding of a much bigger stature then of what I initially wanted was going to take a lot more time then two months to plan. Plus finding an adequate place July 4th just wasn't going to happen. So, I've decided to be selfish and do what we were planning to do from the start. A small, simple, and much easier wedding. The word easier makes me sound as if I am being lazy. Maybe I am. All I know is that I was focused on all the wrong things during the pregnancy that I once (about 3 months ago) really wanted to plan, document, and pay attention to unlike I did with my Talon pregnancy. I didn't want to miss a beat, a kick, a day of reading about mine and my babies progress together. I wanted to cherish every second of this pregnancy, and that's what I intend to get back to starting today. Things have been crazy, and I just need to take some deep breaths and relax for now.

We've also decided to have another ceremony and reception when my lover gets back from Afghanistan. This will be perfect. More time to plan, more money to spend, more time to inform, and more time to sit back and know that I have time. I feel a hundred times better today.

Sorry I've been a goner my closest friend. Once my breathing technique is back to normal I shall give you all a call and tell you of the love I have for you.

happy fixesezzz.

2009-05-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

today I stumbled across these beauty'swhile admiring my favorite food blogs in blogger town. The first thought that came to mind was; I definitely need some graham crackers stuffed with vanilla frosting! "WHAAA?" You say... "I'm pregnant" is the very best response I've got for ya. I think I'll go invest in the goods tonight!

When I strolled into Judd's this afternoon my very first thought was I need a fresh strawberry shake! The very high price of $4.75 didn't even stop me from indulging in all this yummyness. That's unusual! & another unusual thing happened today. I feel perdy. So here I am for you to see in all my glory... 6 months prego absolutely doing what a pregnant women does best! It's nice to suck down fresh strawberry shakes so shamelessly.

Last night I bought these happy lil guys!...I couldn't help myself... I needed a happy fix. I was oh so happy at the moment... but this, this was oh so shameful!

Last week I spent $98.76 at TJ Max and just three days later I spent $78.36 at Ace hardware! (Your probably wondering on what? Clothes! They have the cutest clothes! SERIOUSLY!)

I have already planned out how I'll be telling Peej I spent THAT much of our wedding/honeymoon mula... But I don't think I need a plan because he wouldn't expect an explanation. I just really feel guilty. Hopefully I'll be able to see and talk with my lover at least once a week while he is in Afghanistan. That will most certainly be a much better happy fix then wasting away money and eating anything that sounds delicious and fatty! Thank God he'll be home in 5 days, cause right now all I can think about are some cute headbands I saw on Etsy this morning!

Another day in my life without you.

2009-05-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I know your around, I know your thinking of us every second of every hour of everyday. I know you miss us, and I know you are worried about us. Because this is how we feel every second of every hour of everyday.

I miss the best cuddle buddy in my whole wide world. Talon was once this person, but has grown to be annoyed with my tight squeezes and puckered up kisses. You never get annoyed. I miss you rubbing my feeties every night. There was no need to ask, I'd gently place them at your lap and smile, and you'd smile back rubbing until you couldn't rub anymore.. I miss your lips kissing mine, and you saying "I love making out with you". I miss your voice, your laugh, your heart, and the way you remind me life isn't supposed to be easy. I even miss you disciplinning Talon, although I will go right back to scrunching my eyebrows at you, for it, as soon as you get back. I miss your unconditional love, and the way you make me feel about myself. I miss feeling so confident and gorgeous with you always around. I missed telling you Happy memorial day (in person since we told you on your voicemail). I cried a lot yesterday, but I don't think anyone saw me. I'm not sure why I hate crying so much. I wish I could just let it out when that tearful ball hit the back of my throat. I wish I could lay on someones lap and really express all of my feelings. But you are the only one I allow myself to do that with. I'm thankful for that though. It's how I know you are my very best friend, and how I know I will so easily be able to spend my lifetime with you. I'm thankful for you and everything about you. Time and distance do make the heart grow fonder and I think it's because you realize what you are missing out on without that person around. I think I'm missing out on a lot without you.

what to do...

2009-05-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

While slouching at my desk starring at the one thing I stare at for one too many hours each day I got a little phone call... "Is this McKenna Timothy??" The lady excitedly requested... "Yes, this is McKenna" (In my mind I'm thinking, CRAP bill collector?) "Well you've just been turned in to coins for kids for texting too much on your phone!" (I hate when people say that. The only person I ever text is my man... I knew it had to have been someone from work.) "Oh really?" I replied with a giggle, as if I was happy about this? I definitely had some mixed emotions... No one has ever turned me into coins for kids. I was actually a little happy about it. Until.. dun, dun, dun... I went to tell my co-workers and they were like "Oh WOW, that sucks" and "Your actually going to do this?" I walked back to my desk now thinking about how bad this could actually be? The more I think about it the more I realize I REALLY don't have time for it. I've got SO much going on before and even after Peej get's home! I mean, I DO only have 2 months to plan a wedding that I will cherish a lifetime, and there IS about a million things that come along with wedding planning. (Which I was oblivious to until now, all you marrieds HOW DID YOU DO IT?) Any wayyyyy I've come to the conclusion that I am going to stick to my word. Tough it out, and maybe even nominate Peej to earn $1,000 dollars with me. It is going to an extremely good cause, and apparently we get free lunch at outback! :) So, it would be worth it to have a free date with my sexy man. Plus I've been trying to challenge myself lately, and it's working out pretty good. The busier I stay, the better I feel. So, busy I shall stay! Wish me luck! I'll be starting a website for anyone out there who might wanna help me reach my goal! Please HELP!

Have a great Friday and memorial weekend everyone!!
Much love!

"everything I do, I do it for you"

2009-05-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm not sleeping very well. I wake every morning around 3ish and can't fall back to sleep for the life of me! (Literallyyy) while I help my unborn child grow I literally feel I'm having the life sucked outa me. Losing sleep is just NOT ok... But it's only natural... If Peej were here I'm sure I'd still have sleepless nights... Less I'm sure but still, sleepless nights. Talon misses him too. He says "I want Peej to come home" "Where's Peej" & "I miss PJ"... I can only imagine what he'll be saying once he leaves for Afghan. Peej always tells me not to think about it, but how can I not? The reality of our lives is that he is leaving for 9 months in just 3 months!!! It's the hardest thing in the world not to think about, but I'm trying for him.

I'm making myself keep busy! I'm cleaning, cooking, walking, hangin out at the park with Talon, painting furniture, sanding that furniture, and crafting up something special to give Peej when he gets home from Africa. Plus I'm really focusing on what I eat, and I'm feeling much healthier which makes me much happier. Plus I'm even saving money by not eating out nearly as much as usual! I bought some of those healthy select frozen meals which are actually quite tasty. And I've been cutting up melons to munch on throughout the day. I'm sure this is pleasing to Tres-mans tummy as well. So all and all I think I'm doing pretty good.

Our new family is preparing for war. I know our lives are in Gods hands, I don't need to understand why he has chosen this path for us, only that it is his plan. Our future will unfold in good time. Perfect time I'm sure. I really do trust him. Through the good and bad I know it will all unfold perfectly.

Only 15 more days!!!! :)
I think I can live with that.
Hottie!!

"waking up without you, is like drinking from an empty cup."

2009-05-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

half my heart is on a plane to Africa.

2009-05-14T11:07:00.001-07:00

busy, busy bee! Things are crazzzzy right now! Well, not really but in my mind they're a little outa control. The San Diego beach wedding has been cancelled. The ceremony will now be held in Zion. Too much stress came along with planning a wedding to San Diego with only two months before the actually weddin day! The prices for hotels were just CRAZY ridiculous, and talking with some of the locals, I sorta got freaked out! I'm that girl who gets claustrophobic cuddling, and my family was thinking about renting a house with 6 beds! I probably would have ended up sleepin in a tent the entire time. And another BIG thing that helped me come to the realization that San Diego just wouldn't work was the fact that the baseball game was SOLD OUT! No way man, there is no way I'm going to that place without making it to a game! Peej talks about that ball park weekly! It's one of his dreams to take me there... So! We'll be honeymooning in San D. We're going to be married July 4th in Zion's National Park hang out with the fam for a day, wake the next morning and head out to our honeymoon destination! This way things will be a lot less stressful, and Peej and I will still get a little getaway before he heads off to war. I'm actually really happy with my decision to do the ceremony here. IF Peej and I were super rich and could have afforded to pay for EVERYONE to come to San D, we TOTALLY would have done it. But, this way I think everyone will be happy! Family that didn't think they could make it to San D will be able to make it here, and ultimately that is what really made my decision. I wanted this to be a simple day, that I will remember for a lifetime! I can't wait to marry my BREASTEST friend!!!!

P.S. Tres now helps support a 32 ounce half water half lemonade that I have grown to be addicted to through some certain lemon craving. My bellies gettin bigger and I SO TOTALLY LOVE IT!

I don't feel as beautiful without you by my side.

2009-05-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

Starter note: Yoplait lowfat yogi (blackberry pomegranate) with a little granola is heaven!

One of my favorite bloggers left me a little comment last night! TOTALLY made my morning!!! She reminded me to stick to my monthly expenses and goal list, and really helped to get my mind back to the places I really want it to be.

Yesterday was tough! I had no idea I'd cry every time I got in my car or saw my sis (ha)! I like to think I am a very strong person, I kept telling myself just keep yourself busy, focus on the wedding, and pray. I knew everything would be ok but, coming home and being in a crowded world without the one I love ended up being a lot harsher reality than I thought it would be. I still know everything is going to be ok. It's the fact that he is REALLY leaving that's just starting to hit me...

SO! Thank you Krystalatwork for all your support! You really helped remind me of the things I NEED to focus on right now.

When it comes to my monthly goals and expenses list... I've definetly been slackin a bit. BUT starting TODAY I'm going to live by my goals! I'm taping them to my desk at work and to my bathroom mirror at home! I'll let you know where I'm at by the end of the month... Wish me luck!

xoxo!

You know you're my saving grace.

2009-05-11T10:37:00.001-07:00

6am I was startled by vibrations in my hand. I rolled over and flipped my phone open, it was a text from my love "I love you!!!!!" it read... I text him back my favorite line "I love you too baby!!!"

I've cried but I haven't actually balled until I heard the new song "Halo" by Beyonce this morning... Dang that song! This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

Today I missed rolling over to you and hearing the words "Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" I already missed getting in the shower and seeing "I love you" written on the mirror. I missed listening to you play with Talman while I got ready for work. And I missed you asking "what would you like for breakfast babe?" I missed you pulling me back for 3 extra kisses. I missed walking out the door and seeing two beautiful faces. I miss you already love! I'll miss you everyday until you get home. I can't wait to marry you!!!!

how wonderful life is, now your in the world...

2009-05-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

We are... GETTING MARRIED!!!! July 4th in San Diego at Coronado beach! AHHHHH I'm peein my pants at the thought! I can't remember the last time I was this excited! I'm as giddy as a school girl (as Peej always says!) Peej and I met exactly one year ago the week we will be hitched! We will say our I do's in front of the Hotel Del Coronado, the same hotel his grandparents met in the ice cream shop MANY years ago! Just before his gramps was getting ready to leave for war! The date is set! Saturday July 4th at 8am with our closest family members by our sides! We hope to make a baseball game that night, and of course make out while watching fireworks! San Diego is a very patriotic state, so I can't wait to see all the fireworks they'll have to offer our beady little eyes!

It's going to be soooooo romantical!!!! :) I couldn't be happier or more excited! We were going to hold off on telling EVERYONE until Peej got my ring, but I'm so EXCITED and I just can't hide it! So There you go! Now you know!

I'm the luckiest most happiest women alive!!! I'm going to marry my dream man! I seriously couldn't have thought up a better man to be my hubby! I thank God every day for bringing him to me! He is the man I have waited for and the man I will spend the rest of my life with!

Love you forever & ever my BayBay-P-JayJay!!!!

I don't know what to be without you around...

2009-05-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

So, some BIG things have been happening in our home over the past week... I mean HUGE GINORMOUS things... Last Thursday I took some work vehicles over to Nelsons Autobody (because they are the best! And I get to see one of my best friends while I'm there). Kari and I decided to head over to a little store called Krumpets which I heart! While we were there I decided to buy a few lil patriotic nick knacks. This is something I have not done before. This is something that has been on the mind though... I've been thinkin lots about deckin out the house in Peej's favorite colors (red, white and blue) those colors are so easy to love with a man who would gladly fight for our country any day... So these colors have been the new trend in my mind. I bought a few little things and took them home, cleaned the house, hung up the few things I had purchased, and waited for my man to arrive home from work. I knew he'd be excited about my recent buys so I waited cheerfully. He strolled in the house around 9:30 and I was watching my sisters boys. He fled right past us without even a glance. This is not at all my Peej. I walked to the room to find him on the floor. He was talking on the phone, but not exactly. He was actually just listening. I walked away. My sis came to get her boys and after they had left I ventured into a room that I knew was soon to be filled with heartbreak and tears.

My love went on to tell me that he will be activated August 3rd and will be deployed to Afghanistan in November. Of course we cried, and held each other for hours. I can't remember ever feeling such a pain in my heart. This pain jerks at the heart from time to time now. There are so many mixed emotions going on in our minds. I'd like to share him, but of course I want him here! I want to be selfish and pack him up and drive him to Canada, but he'd never allow it! And I'd never actually do it... I'm proud of my man! He is the brave and the bold! Much braver than I have ever given him credit for. He makes me strong, he makes me know it is going to be ok. And I really do know this.

He will be able to come home while he is activated in the states, for Maternity leave! :) Nothing makes me happier than to know that he will get to see his baby boy. Tres will almost be a year old the next time his Daddy holds him. That really jerks at the pain. But we're ok. We have to be ok. We are thankful for the time we get to hold each other, and we are filling every minute up with happiness. We are busy preparing mentally, physically, and spiritually. (He's doin most of the physical part) We've been busy planning... Planning a lot. There is much more to this story... But it will have to wait. We are happily in love. I couldn't ask for a better man. What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger. Part of me is going away, but I know he will return and everything IS and WILL be ok.
his fav!

Now I'll do my duty and be the most supportive wifey that I can be! :)

OH MY!

2009-05-01T15:10:00.001-07:00

I just came across something so TOTALLY WICKED, RAD, AWESOME! AND... I decided to share with you! Ever get tired of writing down your grocery list? Are you a organized freak when it comes to lists? Well struggle no more!
Ziplist.com You can thank me later. ;)

hope.

2009-05-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

at the end of a dark night somewhere, there is always a beam of light.

Come what may!
I love you baby!!!!

a pickle sort of day.

2009-04-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

Wy had no clue what lie in his future...
but Wy is so sly, and can usually handle anything under a little pressure.
Wy really indulged himself in this pickle.
Wy was fickle and had no idea how much he'd enjoy that crunchy, sour, but sweet pickle.
soon after he had devoured that pickle, that oh so delicious, delectable pickle Wy noticed a little tickle and was no longer so fickle, he really wanted just one more pickle.
I treated my WyWy to one more just one... Now he is known throughout the land as Wy the pickle monster, and believe me his aunt had no hand in this plan.

the end.

You either do, or you do not. There is no try in doing.

2009-04-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

After reading a favorite blog Give me back my five bucks for the past year or so, I am finally motivated enough to use a little advice that her blog offers. I realize NOW is a great time to start a monthly list of goals. I often find myself bored at work, day dreaming about what I could be getting done, or doing at home. With so much time on my hands here at work, and even more on my mind I've decided THIS will be a great way to really prioritize the most important things to me and my cute little family. I really feel the best way for me to produce a realistic list of goals, I will have to also list my expenses which will also help me bunches. So, before every monthly list of goals you will be seeing my monthly money life along with it. This will even better help me to prioritize costly goals... So here goes list numero uno! Feel free to take Krystal's advice along with me!

I upped my Misc. by $150.00 since I will be enjoying a little getaway with my main Man in SLC before he heads off to Africa to do some Marine training for a month. And also on things like Utilities and Food I usually put down the high end of what I "think" they may end up being, just in case. I'd also like to put the remainder of my "left over" fund in savings if at all possible. Peej and I have decided to fully spilt the cost of living in our home, so that helps SOOO much! My bills just about a year ago were more than doubled. No wonder I couldn't do it. I simply wasn't making enough. Any way... There is my expenses and here are some of my goals. I'm going to go through my Monthly goals at the end of every month to see how I did, and where I'm at.

May Goals.

1. Follow the green pregnancy guidelines at babycenter.com a bit closer, so I can feel better throughout this little journey of baby makin.
2. Rise and SHINE by 6:30 every morning so my Yoga routine can be administered. (I've been doin good, thanks to Peej toughin it out by my side every morning!)
3. stick to the list of expenses! Really recognize how much is coming in and going out.
4. Find a good book and buy it! ASAP! Entertain yourself with this until Peej gets home. (Don't be a baby!)
5. Take Talyman to the park at least twice a week. And walks at least 4 times.
6. remember to recycle! (I love that there are recycling bins at just about every grocery store in town! I really want to take full advantage of these!)
7. D.I. some old clothes. Also find some new ones. (at the D.I.!)
8. Remember to take the garbage can out to the curb every Wed night before bed!(This might be a toughy!)
9. Start a flower pot, a tomato plant, and some herbs for me kitchen.
10. Go out to lunch w/some friends at least a few times while Peej is away.
11. Take my prenatal and prescriptions regularly! I've been strugglin.
12. Read to Talman every night.
13. Make sac lunches as much as possible.
14. Make a daily routine or schedule and live by it. (Maybe I'll post that later?)
15. In no particular order be a better friend, Mom, Girlyfriend, Sister, Daughter and person. Just go outa your way a little!
16. remember to be realistic about your goals and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't achieve all of them.
17. Cook dinner at least 3 times a week (it would normally be more days, but since Peej will be gone small dinners will be necessary and my dins are usually pretty large)
18. Finish unpacking and decorating our bedroom. I want it to be perfect when Peejman gets home.
19. Wash all of Tal's old baby clothes and bedding. (Considering reusing the bedding just cause I love it so much, we'll see)
20. Write my man a note every time I think of him, and stick the notes in with the letters I will send him. (One month seems like forever while prego!)

So twenty seems like enough goals for one month... Probably too many, but these are all things I think about everyday. After this month I'm sure I'll be able to better pick and choose the goals worth working towards. This list also seems to be more like guidelines than goals to me... I'm ok with that, whatever it takes to be better.

Striving to be better in everything I do, has always been a goal of mine. People are always saying to be happy with yourself and where you are at and than you will be better. I do not agree with that. I feel the only way to be better at anything is to work at it. Practice makes perfect and although I'm not practicing to be perfect, I'll always strive towards being a better me.

& another.

2009-04-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

5 months TOMORROW! YIPPY! This means I am now halfway closer to seeing our lil man! I felt baby kickin around quite a bit this weekend. Every time I'd feel him I'd pretty much tell Peej and Tal to freeze just so I could feel the slight thuds going on in my tummy. I get more excited for his presence each day! Nothing is more wonderful than to know that I am helping to create my babies life. Peej has been rubbing baby a lot in hopes to feel his thuds too... Probably wont for a few weeks though. I think I may be nesting... I don't remember having these urges to clean and garden while I was pregnant with Talon, but there is definitely no complaint. Peej and I decided to take a few pics Thursday night before SLC. I think I just look bloated, but baby is REALLY growing fast! My belly already seems bigger from Thursday... (babycenter says to expect a major increase in my appetite!) Any whoo here's a few of our 5 month photo shoot! :)

When we got done with our photo shoot Peej decided it was a good idea to deck out Talon's face with a little Camo paint (We were packing for his Africa trip when he found it). Talon freaked, he was so excited! He was jumping around making scary hulk noises and flexing his large muscles! At that point we decided it would be a good idea to have Talman ring grandma's doorbell and scare her when she answered. We snuck over to her house very quietly. While Peej and I ducked behind the bushes Tal rang the doorbell and in the silence of the night the whole neighborhood could have been awoken by his roaring growl! It was really quite amusing. After we laughed about Talon's new persona for a few minutes we decided it was time to go home... Talon crawled on all fours like a gremlin all the way to our casa. It was hilarious! He has the most amazing imagination! He could entertain us for days...

so cute!

muscles in action!

The funny thing is, he actually looked like a mini hulk, AND he had his hulk undies on! Perfect undies for any green face painting occasion.

Picture over load...

2009-04-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

I've been in complete aww of my three favorite boys recently... Not like I haven't always been, but somethin inside has just been screaming MORE PICTURES, MORE! So, I've been obsessing, and taking more more more this past few weeks. Work has been slow as usual, but busy enough for me to keep a job! :) I've just been lazy and haven't gotten around to any photo blogs... Here's a good start! And many more to come!

Hope everyone had as great of a weekend as we did!! :)

P.S. Comments are back for those with commenting pleasures.

Happiness

2009-04-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

"There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way."
-Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Dr. Wayne has been such a HUGE impact in my life. I was introduced to him by a dear friend, just over 2 years ago. Dr. Wayne teaches that everything in life is a choice. I firmly agree with this notion, and although sometimes life is extremely hard, it's so nice to know that I have the choice to be happy. Sometimes the choice is a hard one to decide on, but I'm really going to make an effort to live my life always knowing that "happiness is the way."

I highly recommend you checking out any of his books! He is my daily inspiration.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Errin Andrus Photography!

2009-04-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

So no one should read this because it would be so super awesome if I won the TOTALLY FREE GIVEAWAY contest that errinandrusphotography is promoting on her blog... This girl is amazing at capturing the pictures that you will love for a lifetime. One of her very first shoots was with my lil Talyman, and you'd have no idea that it was a first! She is extremely talented and shouldn't be giving away free crap! Haha, but since she is doing so, I'd like to take full advantage if at all possible! :) (My belly is sure gettin bigger!) Although she will be taking my maternity pictures either way... I thought it might be nice to at least try the FREE way! Who doesn't love FREE?

Any way, EVERYONE check out her blog to find out how you too can maybe, possibly, hopefully not win a TOTALLY FREE shoot with a super awesome and totally amazing photographer! Do it today! You will NOT regret it! :)

in love.

2009-04-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the most amazing day yet with my soon to come baby. We were able to find out the sex of our lil MAN, and I gazed in amazement as he swam around in my belly. I felt an enormous amount of happiness bursting from my mouth in his site. Smiles from ear to ear, and a little chuckle every now and than. He is beautiful! My ultrasound with Talon was not at all as vivid as this one. I got to see him talk to us, or maybe just mouth "I love you Mommy"... :) He is quite the wiggler and I also got to feel what was the very first kick of many more to come. I have become overwhelmed with joy in his presence.

"his presence" every minute I get to spend with this new life will be appreciated as a present from God. I'm so thankful I now know enough about life to know that it should never be wasted or forgotten. Love is so very important to me, and I'm so happy to be surrounded with it everyday.

I think I've got a little spring fever. I love this time of year. It's definitely my favorite.

quote.

2009-04-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

Just a little something I snaked from my good friend Keith's facebook.

“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”

my heart feels with warmth every time I get the chance to read it. I thought you might appreciate it too.

I love you the most.

2009-04-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

Dearest Cass, I love you the most! Thank you for being you, and for helping me to be more comfortable being me. Thank you for being here always. Now you are far, far away but I know your still here for me everyday. I'll miss you much, you know I will. I'll think of you daily and hope things are well. I know you are going to reach great heights, because I know you are truly finding you. I couldn't feel more blessed with another friend. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly our friendship has never had a bend. I never once remember an ounce of judgement between us, and not once have we ever had a fight. You are my soul mate, you always have been. I love you near, I love you far. And I'll miss you, but never too much, because I know you are still here. So there is my love letter to you... I'll see you soon!

I love you soul mate!!

amazing.

2009-04-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever... EVER ever!!

the end.

Talon.

2009-04-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

My baby Talon has been my life since the day he was born. There have been bumps in our road together, and I've sometimes steered in the wrong direction, but he always brings me right back. I'd do anything to protect my angel... He is apart of me, he has helped to mold me into the person I am today. He has made me stronger, than I ever thought I could possibly be and, for that I feel I owe him the world.

The question of what is REALLY right for my angel, often comes up. It did this weekend, and it hurt! He is happier than he has been in months, he smiles more, he plays more, he loves more. He is in a good place with Peej and I. I've honestly never seen him happier, and that is why it hurts so much. Suddenly something, or "someone" I guess I should say, comes up out of nowhere, just when things couldn't get better, of course another challenge arises. But WHY now? We haven't heard from "someone" in months, and I was beginning to think, Talon might not have to go through the pain of being hurt by that "someone" again. As a Mother, of course I would do anything to protect my angel. But in this case, there isn't much I can do for now. I can sit back and watch, cry, pray, and hope for the best. The best for my angel. I will do whatever I have to do to make sure of his happiness. Be it either way... His happiness means I am not allowed to be selfish, and that I will not be. I will be strong for him and do whatever I can to make things right for him. Because I am thankful for him, because I need him, and because I will always need him.

I just thought I'd write him a lil somethin to show how thankful I truly am... It's been on my mind a lot lately.

Dear Talyman,
Thank you for being my baby.
Thank you for being my Ray of light.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally since the day you were born.
Thank you for making me smile day after day.
Thank you for your kisses and wiping my tears away.
Thank you for being strong, even when I wasn't.
Thank you for always waking me in the morning with a "good morning Mommy"
Thank you for your slang.
Thank you for teaching me to laugh a little more.
Thank you for your hugs.
Thank you for for your smile.
Thank you for being that constant reminder to all the joy in my life.
Thank you for being the biggest part of that joy.
Thank you for picking your nose.
Thank you for tickeling me back.
Thank you for killing that huge cockroach that came outa no where that one night.
Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for being understanding, even if you don't know what that means.
Thank you for loving Peej & for helping me to fall for the both of you more everyday.
Thank you for your laugh.
Thank you for holding my hand when you cross the street.
Thank you for helping me to know my true self, and for helping me love myself more.
Thank you for allowing me to be your Mommy.
& thank you for helping me to be the Mommy that I am today.

I could go on for days, but I'll stop myself.

I love you with all my heart and in return

I promise to stand by you, to always cherish you, and to love you unconditionally, as you have me.
I promise to watch over you, and to always try my hardest to prevent the hurt I know you must go through in your life.
I promise to always try my hardest in everything I do for you.
I promise to always look out for your very best interest and to protect you the best ways I know how.
I promise to always help you reach for your happiness, and try to stand out of the way when you follow your dreams.
I promise to always remember you as my little angel, even on the toughest of days.
I promise to be there when you need me, and to give you space when you don't.

With my Thank you's I give you my promise. I hope in life I can give you the same happiness that you have given me.

Forever and always
Love,
Your Mommy

decided

2009-04-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes for those of you whom have noticed... I deleted the option to leave me comments. ONLY because I am always right, I think whatever I say is not at all questionable, and those whom tell me how to live just bug... Haha, honestly though, at this point in my pregnancy I am just too emotional and take everything the wrong way. So, I decided this was better for me right now.

To all of my good friends, I'm sorry if I ever make you feel bad with my blogs. I am only speaking my true feelings, and not out to hurt anyones! I love my friends unconditionally, through the good, bad, and not seeing eachother so much times. I hope ya'll know this!

& on a totally different note...

I can't freakin wait for EASTER! I'm takin Talman on a easter egg hunt here in town and I have so much planned for this weekend I'm about to pee myself! (not just cause I'm prego either!)

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend!
Peace&Loves

this Momma

2009-04-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

as of yesterday is officially 16 weeks preggo, anemic, and in the docs words "totally got a urinary track infection!". Soooo THAT'S probably why I thought I was about to dye around 8:30 last night... Peej tucked Talman in bed while I lie in bed with tear ducts swelling... Welp, on the other hand my anemia caused me to stop for some delicious broccoli soup from Judds, and now I'm feeling quite nice. We find out if baby has boy or girl parts in about 2 weeks!! YIPPPPPPY!!!!!! I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

Have a nice rest of the day everyone!

i love.

2009-04-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

this...this...
& this...

I want, this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
& this...

I realize a lot of these things would not mesh well together... They are only a few ideas that I love. I'm really likeing the brighter side that turquoise has to offer though. I think my heart is leaning towards the brightness! The colors in my house have decidedly changed to turquoise, red, and brown... and I've found a new true love that will last a lifetime with Urban decor... It's my newest addiction/downfall (I've been spending way too much money)... New houses are just so much fun!

[Thank you Urbanoutfitters.com, everythingturquoise.com, and houseofturquoise.com for letting me borrow some of my favi pics!]

brat.

2009-04-07T12:15:00.001-07:00

I SWEAR! I'm such a brat lately... and I say brat in hopes that you'll know what I'm really trying to get at... (I have a hard time swearing while prego) I've been allowing stupid, gay, hormones to eat at my true one and only amazingness! It'll keep on happenin, I'm sure of that... But I just wanted to say, sorry for being such a downer lately... Just ignore my lame posts and soak up the bestest ones!

I'm really thinking long and hard about talking to the boss man about going part time sometime soon. I REALLY REALLY want to... and I'm sure Peej and I could do this right now, so why not? Chea?? The only reason I wouldn't like to do this is because Peej and I want to save a little money come next yeario because we'd REALLY like to buy a new home... (Not in St. G) Maybe Colorado, Cali, or maybe even Texas? Who knows... And I don't even know if we'd really like to buy a home. Just move... I'd really like to move all over the United States of America... HA! I don't wanna be trapped anymore, That's fo sho! But I really wouldn't like to move my kids from school to school either. (I know how it feels) ANYWAY, I'm blabbing, and saying REALLY a lot, lot!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic day today! I have blood work today and a doc appointment tomorrow! I'll be finding out when I get to find out the sex of our newest addition! So don't worry, you'll be the first to know after me, Peej, Talon, my fam, and probably anyone else who may have read this before you. Get excited!!!

loves.

uh huh.

2009-03-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

I love my friends!!! Thank you for that delightful lunch we were able to spend together yesterday... I miss you all so much!

Have a great weekend everyone!

P.S. Tori I know your reading! I LOVE & MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY TOOOOOOOOO!!!! One month!

long day.

2009-03-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have a major love hate relationship going on with work latley... 1. the obvious one-I'm prego 2. I'm emotional 3. I'm needy 4. I feel I'm missing out on VALUABLE time that I COULD be spending with Tal before he enters the dreaded word... School. 5. just because being prego makes me want to be more demesticated (decorate, cook, create) 6. also because being prego makes me want to be extreemly lazy (lounge, eat, sleep, and eat some more!) I'm soooo hungry ALL THE TIME. no joke.

Here is a glimpse in the day of the life that McKenna so badly longs for these days: (Just because a girl can dream...)

Wake nice and early-7ish, if I'm not feeling too sleepless.

open my very large blinds to where I look out my very large windows, to see those lil ol singing birds EVERYWHERE and a delightful sun beeming with it's glorious smile.

This is where a little tune pops outa nowhere and I joyishly sing to my Talman (Ohhh Tallllonnnn loooook at the sun and the birrrrds yippyyyy!)

...That is where Talon smiles, than walks away reasurring me that I'm just not that funny.

Than as I walked to my kitchen I would think of something wonderful to add to our daily breakfast smoothie.

I would than cook up something such as eggs, ham, and wheat bread (tryin to stay away from those whites!)

thannnn I would take my darling Peejman breakfast in bed, where he would kiss my hand and tell me I'm an angel. (You don't have the right man unless he does this!)

after breakfast and a morning activity with Taly, I'd get into the right mind frame and get in a little Prego Yoga. (This is amazing! Everyone should do while prego!)

The rest of my day would consist of lunch and dinner meals, working on that creative knack I know is somewhere deap inside me, hunting for great finds on Craigslist, a stop at the park, and maybe a little DI shopping (Which I'll have you know is my new favorite place!) Later in the day I'd turn in for a little online schooling where I would work on my beloved creative writting skills, grammar, punctuation (Horrible I know, I'm so sorry!) and a little graphic design...

just a glimpse into my head full of dreams, hopes, & happiness for my families future.

Next week I'm cuttin the crap though... No more sick days, no more late days, and certainly no more days of hooky. Next week I'ma startin anew! Guess I'll just have to toughen the heck up! I've done this before (although it was much easier) I'm gonna do it again!-McKenna kicks BUTT style! HA.

P.S. Dinner with the Barwick Family on Sunday... Wish me luck! (I just want them to love me!)

few things.

2009-03-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

1. I'm now 14 WEEKS fatter!!! Woot woot! So that means I have now entered my 2nd trimester! I've been having less pain but, still feeling like poo for a few hours during the day, and pretty much all night. This pregoness is NOTHING like Talon's... This baby is werrrkin my ass. Ha! He... OR She is really testing my strength. I've been late to work, not come back after lunch, and even missed a few days here and there. Thank God I have an amazing job with an extremely understanding boss! I'm so thankful for understanding people these days! Especially when it comes to my mood swings!
My next appointment is on the 8th of April, where I will be scheduling my first ultrasound to find out the sex! In the mean time...

Here is this!
my baby bump.

and also this.

and this.

and then they danced.
but Conner mostly sang. (He's got a beautiful voice!)

and one awesome night Tal decided to borrow my camera and have a photo shoot with a few of his favorites...
(He who Tal calls... SCARY Spiderman!)

(Hims favi Spongebob cupper!)

(& my personal fav... An angel in disguise.)

finally have what I know I deserve.

2009-03-23T10:14:00.001-07:00

I'm starting my 2nd trimester this week... Things are amazing! We are just getting settled in the new casa, and I couldn't be happier! A lot of stress and tension in mine and Peej's relationship has vanished! Now that we are in our house and away from constantly trying to please my family with their needs, things have become a lot more simple. Our house makes me so giddy. I wake every morning with a smile on my face as I walk to open our blinds. Our house has two HUGE windows facing the sun & it's morning delights... I sit on our couch, daydream about sippin on some hot coffee (7 more months) and relax like I haven't in months to the beautiful song of the birds out our window.

Peej is the man I never thought I'd find, but I always knew I deserved... My Marine always wakes before me, asks what I'd like for breakfast tries his hardest to succeed any expectation he thought I might have for that breakfast (although he DOESN'T cook), than grabs me a glass of OJ (with Calcium & high pulp) to go with breakfast, followed with a glass of water to try and stomach my prenatals. He is by far the most thoughtful man I have ever known. He is always worried about me, when I can't sleep he's tickling or rubbing my back. When I'm tired he makes me lay down and watches the Talman, when we disagree he always tries his hardest to fully understand my side, we never fight, our fights consist of a disagreement, and than a long beautiful talk.

This morning after a disagreement I told him I expect perfection (I'm ridiculous is what I was thinking) but he agreed and told me that's exactly what I deserve. I understand NO ONE is perfect, I am FAR from it but, I do want someone to treat me the way he does, talk to me the way he does, and understand me the way he does. As of now our relationship couldn't be better. Peej is my best friend and I am so thankful for him everyday.

My Mommy got me Twilight the DVD for my Birthday and as I watched I was reminded of the love Peej has for me, it's unconditional and extremely loyal...
With a guy like mine how could I not sit here and brag?

NeW proclaimed soccer Mom.

2009-03-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon I sat in my new vehicle whom was oh so patiently awaiting to be purchased... As I sat, I watched Talman play soccer with his spiderman ball under a willow tree... His smile so vibrant, his laugh so cheerful. I watched him and Ash laugh & play until I just couldn't watch anymore. I leaped from my glorious NEW soccer Mom vehicle as Ash called "Kenna, We NEED to enroll Tal in some soccer!" I ran to kick the ball realizing, I couldn't agree more. I looked back to my 2004 soccer Mom Dodge Durango & smiled... I can't wait for all the family trips to the grocery store, trips to the park, trips to Cali! With a new baby on the way I decided it was time for something BIG & BIGGER I got! (It's a 7 seater!:) Now my family (including my sis's fam) will fit comfortably together. My sis is my best friend, and I want to travel with her. I want her to travel with us! We are YOUNG Mom's and we deserve vacations! Kids, or no kids.

I couldn't be happier with the 3 new purchases I made over the weekend! (4 if you count the new house!) I'll be sportin a new ride, new leather/microfiber sofa & love seat, & a new dining room table like the happiest prego soccer Mom in town! Things couldn't be better, thanks to Tax season! So, excuse me while I feel cool & flaunt my shtuff like it don't stank.

Happy Monday EVERYONE!

one more thing.

2009-03-10T11:36:00.001-07:00

Gracie Kay Barwick
&
Ashton Paul Barwick

are going to be hard to match come baby pushing time. I love them both, but we'll see what happens. I am only 3 months along.

rant.

2009-03-10T11:07:00.001-07:00

I've not been in much of the mood for anything lately. I wake in the morning, shower, sit there, think about crying,(because a release of hormones always seems like a good idea), get up, feel sick, lay in bed wet & naked, eat a breakfast prepared by dream man, stare at my zit face that I'd rather chop up than try & fix for the day, once I get around to fixing myself as adequately as possible, I'm off to work. Than at work I sit... sit... sit.... I think about blogging, read up on momlogic, talk to my breastest friend Cass through the annoying world of facebook, than daydream about lunch, eat, talk to Cass some more, sit some more, daydream about dinner & hope I'm feeling up to eating it, than say goodbye to Cass, and sit some more. MY DAYS ARE PATHETIC! Dream man and lil man are out and about today, running errands, masking off the house, probably skatin a lil, maybe even watchin some batman. I'M JEALOUS! (I'M A WHINER!) Peej and Tal dropped me off this morning, Tal probably said I love you 5 times and blew me about 10 kisses. As I turned I thought I'd collapse walking into this building. ONLY because I miss my babies so much while I sit here and do nothing... I mean, of course there are days that I am doing something. but I'd MUCH rather be doing something with my babies than be doing something couped up in this room. I don't understand how my Mom did it? How other Moms do it? I guess hormones mixed with a 3 year old who says "Mom you stay home today?" (everyday) makes for some depressing moments sitting here in the office. I stare out my window, it's so nice today. There are white flowers blooming on the tree out my window, that always brings a smile to my face. But still, I feel so trapped. There is a screen, a window, blinds, and about 50 feet keeping me from picking one of those freshly blooming flowers... I'll snag one when I leave and smile because today is just too short to sit here and be pissed off.

GET A GRIP MCKENNA!

4 a.m.

2009-03-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

Dear 4 a.m., you need to know I really, really dislike you.
Dear self, why are you naked?
remember you ripped all your clothes off a few hours back? I think you might have still been sleeping. You were having hot flashes and feeling very, very ill. Remember?
Dear self, oh yes!
Dear sleepless eyes, what is your DEAL?
Dear Peej, us three really miss you.
Dear Talon, please hold back from sleep kicking me in the bladder.
Dear bladder, that very faint urge to pee is no reason to get up!
Dear toilette seat, your much colder at 4 a.m.
Dear light out my window, why do you exist?
Dear tummy, I'd smack you if my baby weren't in there! No, you can't have Ben & Jerry's!
Dear Talon, your so beautiful while you sleep. Your breath is so light, you eyelids so soft wondering gently as you dream.
Dear self, Talon's gorgeous self sleeping is a whole new letter.
Dear gas heater, YOUR LOUD & ANNOYING!
Dear 2 a.m. your lucky your not 4 a.m.! 4 a.m. YOU SUCK! I hate looking to my phone to see your lone number beaming back at me night after night.
Dear legs, OOOOUUUCH! Why must you repeatedly try and make me cry?
Dear left side fetal position, I'm bored with you, but thank you for being my only comfortable position.
Dear lamp, thank you for your light.
Dear pen, thank you for your ink.
Dear paper, thank you for being there.
Dear eyelids, thank you for feeling sleepy.

Dear self, get a journal!

last days.

2009-03-04T14:49:00.001-08:00

I just read this article about Jane Goody, a reality star, and mother of two who was recently given thirty days to live to... My heart is broken for her and her family. In the article the author asks co-workers what they would do if put in Jane's shoes. Nearly everyone wrote something about getting away, forgetting all technology, and really living life in the moment. It just reminded me of how much I hate the fact that technology, and work stop us each and everyday from really living for today. It reminded me why I hate text messaging so much, and why Peej and I decided not to get cable at the new house. He needs to let go of his laptop days also, or we just need to schedule a small portion of the day for checking the most important things. (He wont like that much) but I think in the long run, who wouldn't appreciate being pulled away from things that are tearing families apart everyday? I know some people have a balance, and great for them! but for how long does this really last? Eventually we all get tied up with new tv shows, new blogs, new phones, new everything. I may be losing a lot of common sense due to the baby in my belly, but at least I can remember who and how I wanna be.

an amazing Mom and companion whom always lives for the moment,content with my loved ones and not much more.

3/4/09

2009-03-04T14:20:00.001-08:00

Today was the first time I got to hear new babies heartbeat! It was beautiful and made me all giddy inside. I'm so sad Peej missed it due to being one bad-A Marine. He's gone until Sunday and we're both totally distraught about it! I've been really sick so far, and he takes care of me. That's exactly what upset him the most, he text me "babe, I'm going to miss you so much! I'm so sorry I have to go, I just want to be here to take care of you!" (What a lucky girl I am) Anyway, I made sure to schedule the next appointment in favor of him being here. My Moms, Tal, Conner, and Wyatt luckily accompanied me with their perfect presence. I think everyone in the office was thinking WOW 3 kids? and Talon kept asking "Mom you gonna have a baby" haha, the nurse actually thought Wyatt and Connor were mine! I'd love to have um, but not NOW! That would be a big WOWZA! Two kids and one on the way... No thanks. Talon is such a good helper with the boys right now, he "helps" me carry Wyatt around in the car seat and talks to him when he is crying, and always grabs Conner when he wonders off. I always said I wanted all of my kids to be about 2 years apart, so I was a little disappointed when the two year mark came and went, but now seeing Talon be such a big boy and helper I'm thankful that this is now and not a year ago. He also seems very excited! He keeps asking me when I'm going to have baby, and told the doc that his sister was in my tummy! :)
I'm getting more and more excited everyday, and things are calming down a lot! We move into the house around the middle of this month, I'll finally remember how to breathe without feeling anxious about not having my own home. Thank goodness.
Peej and I discussed potential names for a girl.
I like Gracie Kay Barwick
he likes Daisy Kay Barwick, and Lola Kay Barwick (Kay is a must for the middle name.)
and for a boy I like ? Ash Barwick (no clue on a first name, but Ash is a must for the middle name!)
and Peej likes David Paul Barwick III- it's growing on me, but only because I know it means a lot to him. & we could call him tres for 3! lol

What do you think of the names. Vote if you'd like... haha!

I find out what baby is in 6 weeks!

&

2009-03-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

as I watched the Bachelor last evening, I discovered that Jason the sweet Innocent loving father whom I adored so much is nothing more & nothing less than precisely as Mellisa framed him, he's a total "bastard" he all too much reminded me of my own past and thankfully failed relationships. Mellisa is a smart girl to know that this happened for a reason. I now despise Jason and the Bachelor TV show. This was the one show I made a point of watching ever since I was reunited with with a thing called cable. but how could he do such a thing on national television??? Peej and I decided cable will not be making an appearance in our new home. Talon has an amazing imagination and I know it's because I never allowed him to sit his lil fanny in front of the TV screen for hours on end. I just wish I would have been right there with him imagining a little more. It's not too late. I feel like such an amazing Mommy lately. Being prego sucks butt, but it's also very eye opening. I hate it, but I love it at the same time. I go in to the doc tomorrow! Hopefully I find out what it is towards the end of this month!! YIPPY!

new.

2009-03-02T09:13:00.000-08:00

Talon stood in my Momma's doorway this morning "MOM MY ARMS ARE FREE EE EEZING!" He chattered... Talon REALLY enjoys getting naked the second he steps into a home where he is comfortable enough to expose his nudity. Of course he keeps his spiderman undies on (thank goodness), but for some reason being naked is what makes him happy. I examined his nakedness and asked "babe, why don't you put your clothes back on?" he replied "because." I sighed... In my eyes "because" is not a fit answer! "because I said so, because that's how it is, because just because" I hate when I say those words to my Talman, what does "because" really explain to a child? I've come to the realization that the words "because, I can't, and no" without any explanation must go! Those are a favorite vocabulary to my angel face and I WILL NOT sit back and allow him to think things are the way they are just because, or that he can't do something, or that NO without explanation is ok. Tal picks up on EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING and when I'm lazy and don't feel like doing something I'm gonna work on never again saying I can't, because, or no. It's crazy that my son points out my flaws without even knowing it, and easily betters me as a Mother and a person everyday. He keeps me thinkin cause he's such a thinker. I love him.

here are some pics that caught my attention during our busy moving weekend. Thank God that's over, one more to go!

a little pre moving treat...
only because I crave it EVERYDAY around 3:00 pm... At least it's yogurt! Right?

WyWy just chillin with Harley after a rough weekend.

& my two favorite monsters snackin on mine & Ash's all time favorite freezer meals at their favorite mini table. (We ate the leftovers!)

and P to the S... Peej, Tal and I are temporarily boxed up at my Pops for the next few weeks, we are painting our house and getting it all ready for MOVE IN! YAY! I'll take some pics next time I drop by our newby!

my food.

2009-02-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

4you Check it out!

& let me know if you'd like to join in on posting some recipes! I'd love to see what my friends are cookin up too!

happy day.

2009-02-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

a day filled with "wipe my boogers","ah, AHH boogers","where's my skate?","i want corn!", cuddling up with my boys, pictures that I will cherish a lifetime, and lots and lots of smiles... I can't think of anything better to cheer me up...

I've got me some skater boys.

a perfect afternoon.

oh man.

2009-02-24T15:34:00.000-08:00

I found a little time! :) Check out the newest addition to food4you @ cookin4life.blogspot.com!

wowza.

2009-02-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

SO, if today hadn't started out so crazy... if the guys would have mentioned the meeting they had scheduled for 9am with St. George City. if I would have cleaned the conference room table yesterday. if Lee hadn't left a chart on my desk for me to setup for UDOT by 11am. if only i had received our debit card in the mail Friday so I could have picked up all the supplies I have been so badly in need of than, instead of today. if I hadn't gotten that call from Jane telling me that Peej and I qualify for the home we wish to buy. if I weren't so scrambled setting up Horrocks annual RUWA Conference for 150 clients at 6 different restaurants here in town. if only there wasn't SO MUCH going on today, if only there were more time in this day... I most definitely, most certainly WOULD have most positively posted a recipe entitled "Teryaki Ginger Salmon" which I whipped outa no where on Sunday... HOPEFULLY tomorrow brings less busyness and anxiety.

babycenter tells me to expect more anxiety at this time in my pregnancy... Yes, I am 10 weeks along, and oh so happy!

peace&love

Something new.

2009-02-19T11:38:00.000-08:00

Beefy Taco Salad blog has offically been posted in my nother blog... Check er out & let me know what ya think! :)

getaway...

2009-02-13T12:06:00.000-08:00

lord knows I need it... So thank God a getaway has been placed in order for me this weekend! Peej has planned a secret getaway beginning tomorrow at noon and ending Sunday afternoonish... I'm watching Con man and WyWy tonight, and Lemme tell ya... THOSE three babes make for some exciting nights! Tal man and Con man always have a blast runnin wild until they just cant run anymore, and quite Wyatt enjoys every second of the entertainment, and Peej and I can't complain much either... BUT... by 1:00am I'm close to losin it! Conner doesn't do well in any other atmosphere than his own when it comes to sleeping, neither does Wy, and Tal REFUSES to sleep until Con is assed out, and quiet Wyatt gets rather mouthy once everyone is finally tucked in... This makes for a rather challenging and eventful evening. Well, I was up makin some nummy cuppercakes until a lil after 2am last night... I'm tired as hell already!! Good thing Peej is blind folding me for our little adventure, I'll be zonked the whole ride... I'm hopin for a long one! ;)

a gift from Tal to you...

Have a HAPPY V-DAY EVERYONE!

and one more thing! since there's talk of a "recipe blog" I thought I'd share what I was up tell 2 creating! Red velvet cuppercakes with pink cream cheese frosting! (all homemade, and 100% delish!)

peace&love

recipe blog?

2009-02-12T15:10:00.001-08:00

I was informed just yesterday that I NEED to make a blog with all my recipes... Some man of man has been bragging and caused this happenin... What do ya think? This would include my OWN recipes, recipes I LOVE, and some NEW ones... PLUS lots of homemade pictures of all my homemade yummies! I think it could be fun... Let me know whatcha tink, prettty please!

peace&lovin

it's the little things.

2009-02-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

what a fantastically wonderful man I have... I say blue Gatorade he thinks orange (mango) is better, so he gets both. and I lovvved the mango. He thinks I need two special K bars, I say one, he gets two just in case. I say my neck hurts, he rubs it. I say I wanna watch a chick flick he'd say "Notebook, P.S. I love you, or would you prefer Juno?" He sees I have the chills and automatically grabs me a blankey. I cook, he cleans. even on the nights I don't cook he cleans. Talon says "you wanna play cars Peej?" and of course his reply is always "heck yes!" he doesn't have work, he offers to take Tal for the day. i'm being an ornery hag, he tells me not to call myself a hag. when i nag, he takes it in and tells me i'm an angel. whenever i place my feet on the couch, he rubs them. when i open my own door (anywhere) he says "how could you?" when i cook he always tells me how amazing it was. he tells me how amazing i am on a daily basis. he tells me i look beautiful literally every morning. when i'm sad he makes me smile. when i'm mad he makes me laugh. when i cry, he holds me.
we have so much in common, and share the same dreams. i don't remember one fight in the last 8 months, and although it's been extremely difficult this far, it's getting easier. he makes EVERYTHING easier. he makes me want to be better even though for some reason he thinks i am perfect. he's exactly what i've always wished for, and more. there are "things" but i have hope, with time those "things" will turn into "nothings" and Peej, Tal, ..., and I will live happily ever after.

oh and he's informed me that we have plans this weekend... :)
he even got a babysitter! yup... fantastically wonderful!

the simple kind of life.

2009-02-10T07:22:00.000-08:00

so much has happened in the past few weeks. Life changing happenings, and when the world seems it's out to get me... Here I am, ready to write about the more simple things in my life... It's a new weekly ritual, so here are a few things that I am oh so happy are simple, and just so easy to love and be thankful for today.

my sleeping beauty.

an amazing job, that can be all too boring at times, but really quite adventurous and exciting on others. even on the boringest day, i'm thankful that this is my view. that i can support my son, have amazing benefits, and a fantastic boss.

an amazing man whom loves my son if not as much as I do, nearly as much.

and the most simple part of my day... a cookie monster to make me giggle.

i'm thankful that i am able to recognize the simplicity in my life, even when it is most challenging and completely terrifying. i know we'll make it through. i know that we'll always be happy, if i can only choose to see the simple side to life..

a day in the life.

2009-02-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

a day in the life with Talon's finger pointing and "no no Mommy don't take pics of me" requests.

a day in the life with an angel whom I worship and adore.

a day in the life with a picture perfect boyfriend and his exhausted "Jesus Christ" verbilizations. haha

and a day in the life where screaming children look 10 times more beautiful when they are fast asleep.

i love all my babies!

live & let learn.

2009-02-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

do you ever feel misunderstood? so different from everyone else? just so out of place and awkward? I've had this feeling for the past few weeks. I know why, but you don't. this awkwardness is hard to swallow. things change, people change, people grow, we grow when we are ready to grow, and at a different pace than others. we are all different, none of us better in most aspects than others. we all make mistakes, some worse than others. we all live and learn. I think there is this transition from teen years to adultish years where you just have this huge realization of your life and where it's headed... and you kinda FREAK. life is hard... I've literally helped support my family since I was 15 years old... support a lot. in other 3rd world countries such a thing is completely normal. NORMAL, God I feel horrible for kids that know nothing else. and their lives make it hard for me to bitch, but also very appreciative of this hard but wonderful life I have. responsibility is difficult, and sometimes I just wanna give up... but I haven't, and I wont. giving up is the last thing I would ever do, but only because of my Ray of light. my little sunshine... Nothing makes me stronger than him. but it's still hard... I know you know it's hard. it's hard for everyone.. they say the sun will come out tomorrow, but it's always gone in a flash. I could be the happiest person alive one second, and than my whole world could fall apart the next. I'm happy, I really am... I just wish it wasn't so hard. and there's my problem, I wish too much.

satisfaction.

2009-02-03T14:38:00.000-08:00

so I just did a wonderful thing... Cass tagged me on Facebook asking me to write 25 things about good ol' wonderful ME! so I did, and Something is just so satisfying about being completely honest, even when I'm embarrassed to be THAT honest. It's a fabulous release and I could do it everyday. So here is my satisfying release for the day, just thought I'd share.

1. I think I'm really super funny like 99% of the time.
2. I think everyone and their dog is fake, but probably because I'm a little psychotic and fake.
3. I wanna be a plain Jane when I grow up.
4. I pretty much let my son do and say whatever he wants, and I think he's as wonderful as he could possibly be for that.
5. I think my son is the most gorgeous child on planet earth.
6. I could sleep 10 days straight if I had absolutely no responsibility.
7. I love my new found home-body-ness. I never wanna leave my little nook
8. I LOVE STEAK (medium rare), CRAB LEGS & MUSHROOMS more than any other food.
9. I secretly LOVE when Talman bugs the shit outa other people because I know he is only being 3, and they are only being boring and adult like.
10. My sister is my most bestest friend in the whole wide world even though she is a total bitch at times.
11. My Moms sick, and ornery, so I'm constantly trying to please her and simply make her smile.
12. I think I have more common sense than most people, but I do the stupidest shit all the time.
13. cooking is my passion, I love to cook.
14. I have a really hard time hugging, kissing, and showing any affection to anyone other than the Talman. So he is pretty much smothered with all the love I have to give. I think he wouldn't mind a brother or sister.
15. my second bestest friend has huge boobs, a bald red head, she's different, I love that about her, and I'm madly in love with her.
16. I'm so incredibly thankful to have a man in my life whom actually loves ME more than he loves himself, for once. It's a really good feeling, and there's lots of Perks. Plus I know he's the most amazing boyfriend in town! EVERYONE should be jealous.
17. I use to be an extremely positive person and that side of me is still there, but I'm also a complete roller coaster disaster and much more logical than I once was. I think that drives everyone crazy. but I'm learning to be ok with that. haha
18. I hate pills! any form of pills, but will probably end up being addicted to them as everyone else is sometime later in life.
19. I stress about food storage! I was just reading about a package deal for $799.84 this morning! $799.84!!! Can you believe that shit? who has that much to actually spend on food storage right now? and can banana's actually last a whole year? I think not.
20. I swear way too freakin much, and I think I'm cooler for it. Kinda like when I smoked fags.
21. I freak out on myself (in my head), when I don't do yoga in the morning.
22. I just freak out on myself a lot in my head, for LOTS of random reasons.
23. oh and I'm super duper random, like really random.
24. I use to steel lots of money to support my family. it was the biggest mistake I ever made
25. I'm a lot more honest with my old age, but more honest when I write than in person.

yes, fabulous!

dreaded growing upness.

2009-01-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

i believe my most handsome lil man has come to the conclusion that my bed is just not big enough for the three of us anymore... it breaks my heart that he would rather sleep on the couch or in my Mommy's bed because we are all so squisheded on mine. i've thought about kicken Peej out, but i like him there too. Talon has these long skinny legs that could knock you the fu out in one jolt! those suckers are made for something (soccer, footyball, karate) Peej doesn't kick much, but he is quite the blanket theif. it's extremely depressing waking up without Tal by my side, but i know the day is near that he no longer will need me cuddeled up to his. my little man is growing up, learning independence and teaching me a thing or two along the way. we are moving next month. HOORAY! as soon as that tax return is in my grasp we'll have a new vehicle, new casa, and Talywak my sunshine will have a brand new bed set and room all to himself! and it will be glorious! and i will be so super proud of myself for making it oh so super perfect for him, and i know my lil lover will be oh so super happy!

CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT!

the ultimate decision is up to the T-man, but what do ya'll think? batman or spidey?

personally... i like the batman!

tickle tickle.

2009-01-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

confusion is a funny thing, it starts at your toes and wiggles on up to tickle your nose!
it feeds on your thoughts, and screws with your heart, it'll rip that brain of yours 10 times apart!
confusion you see is no friend of mine, it's eatin me up, it's crossing a line...
but maybe, just maybe it needs a friend, maybe confusion is the confused one, and it only wishes that i would bend...
i'm oh so weary of this confusion lurking in my mind, does it really want a friend or is it only wasting my time?
oh confusion please go away, just go away now! i'd get rid of you fast, if i only knew how.
i'm plenty tired of you playing with my heart, does this give you a good laugh, now that you've got hurting me down to a art.
i don't like this game, it's really not too fun, it's time to be the end of you, CONFUSION YOU ARE DONE!
i'd hold these tears back if only i could!
but here, together we are just a little and maybe forever misunderstood...

a weekend such as this.

2009-01-26T08:50:00.000-08:00

i'd definitely rank a 10...

don't skip a beat.

2009-01-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

"The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less" -Anna Quindlen

my heart ache's to know that there are moments, too many moments that i forget to live in the moment with the love of my life. as Nie, i'm going to work on refocusing my heart and listen to my brain a little less.

6 a.m.

2009-01-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

what in the world is so difficult about getting my ass outa bed at 6 a.m.???

pretty much EVERYTHING!

Seriously though, I struggle with this... I've worked for Horrocks almost 2 years now, and I still STRUGGLE! I always promise myself I will "RISE & SHINE" right at 6, get a little yoga in, some cleaning, make Talywak some breakerfast, put on some toons, and get ready for workidy work. i once did this with no STRUGGLE what so ever for quite some time... i really did "RISE & SHINE", and i always felt oh so fab! well, i got lazzzzy... awesome. i hate my lazyness, BUT this morning i wasn't so lazy! i literally yanked myself outa bed at 6:17, precisley 17 minutes after my alarm went off, because i simply just couldn't stand to watch another minute go by. i got up, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, got ready for the day, and made the T-wak a pb&j... (breakfast of champs!) as i got ready i anticipated Talon's (MOMMMMMMY i woked up shout), and thought a lot about how very thankful i am... for Talon, for my life, for my skin? not once did the thought of how much i HATE my zits go through my mind, i actually embraced my skin for probably the first time ever... instead of thinking, i look like crap, i thought thank God i've got this face. for once i felt happy to be unique... it was a great feeling... that's when Talyman arose and i heard "MOMMMMMY" the best sound of the day, after "i love you more" anyway, i took a few pics this morning because i was in such a great mood, and felt so great about getting up, and taking care of shit... and for the simple truth that i now realize i need to embrace ALL of my surroundings, and stop taking the little things for grantid... so here they are and a few more things i would like to work on being thankful for. Have a fantastic Thursday everyone! :)

for his long hair, and the simple fact that i can do it however i wish! that is, until he realizes he can do it. dang.

for pb&j mornings, because they're always so perfect.

for this face, worth a thousand words. (although you can't really see it, i know just the look!)

for my cup of jo, i couldn't do 6am without you.

for my skin, but even more for makeup! for the scare under my right eye, and my chicken pock scar right next to it. for my small boobies, and for my cute bum. for the mole on my knee (Tal has one very similar), and for mine and Talon's health, and strong desire to be as happy as we can be!

it feels good to embrace those things. i need to thank God for them more often.

peace&lovepeace&love.

my happy time.

2009-01-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2008/11/re-posted-treasure.html

for your snuggeled up to the computer reading pleasures. here is a favorite... i'm actually quite selfish when it comes to NieNie... i really didn't want to share, because she's one of my many little treasures. but, i figure if everyone could enjoy a lil Nie every now and again, the world would be a much better place. so, go read her and feel the warmth.

now.

p.s. someone teach me how to add links to this thing!

2 cups of joe, 1 white choclate mocha venti, and a pepsi later...

2009-01-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

i'm wired but feelin a little headache comin on. up is so great... but only while it lasts. i need to work on a all new all NATUR ALe high.

mmm cupper cake.

now go grab a blankey, a large pair of comfy socks, some sweats, and a cupper cake if your so lucky to have one on hand, and tune into a little spoon full of my favorite inspiration. NieNie, I hold her blog near and dear to my heart. if she ain't a angel, i couldn't tell ya who is!

and i'm spent. blehhhhhhh.

me sleepy said she.