would be ok.

The first question I usually hear when speaking of my husbands up coming journey is... "He's going to miss the birth??" I usually find a way not to think about this. I usually put the thought in the back of my mind like a piece of old paper with meaningless words written all over it. My sister also had the courtesy to remind me that PJ will not be cutting Tres's umbilical cord. These thoughts that I am constantly running from are so often shoved to the very for fronts of my mind, and usually send a sharp pain from the tip top to the very bottom of my heart.
I think I do a pretty darn good job of "not thinking" about my new hubbies ventures to fight a battle from the middle of a LAV anti tank where he will be shooting some of the most dangerous missiles ever created. And if my "not thinking" plan doesn't work, pretending "I'm ok" usually does. Peej tells me I'm much stronger then others. I think I just hide it better, and I think he knows that. I can hear the pain in my lovers voice, I know he's stressed, and sick about leaving his new family. But he is so strong and hides his pain much better than I do.

So far I've kept pretty busy, work helps quite a bit with that. I've stayed about an hour later then usual the past 3 days and the time seems to just tick away. Sometimes I feel I am not here, like my body is here but my mind is everywhere else, but really I have no idea where my mind is because I cannot recall any other thoughts. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm just not me without him. Everything about me feels different.

Talon and I played in the bath tub this morning. Tres was kicking so hard I nearly puked lying in bed last night. Time is flying and Tres and I have only 2 months left until we are no longer so truly inseparable. Talon asks for Peej every night and when I say "Peej is fighting the bad guys" he replies "but it's dark outside, tell him to look at the sky! It's time to come home." Tal is all about the books, before Peej left he'd read Talon 3 books a night as I dozed off beside them. Now that I have taken on the responsibility I am struggling with two! Peej says I'll get better. Hopefully Tres is a super easy babe and I can get enough rest to ensure reading 3 books a night to Talon. I know it's very good for him. My boys are getting bigger and I can't wait for Tres to finally make his big debut!

So all in all, we are ok. Not thinking, or pretending not to think, whatever works just works... But... We really would be ok if our provider, lover, friend, jar opener, cuddling partner, book reader, husband, and Daddy was here. BUT I do know we will be ok once we have settled into our new lives, even more ok then we are now. I know that God has great plans for our family. I believe in Peej and I am so proud of him everyday. He is my rock! I just can't wait for the day that he comes home. But I will... If I have to!

Much love,
Mrs. McKenna Barwick

P.S. LOTS of pictures to come! I can't wait to show you!
P.S.S. In upcoming events: My new and amazing in laws, skis, and Madre are workin on the baby shower! I'll let you in on the details as soon as I've got some!