blah.

This morning I sat at our kitchen table next to my cup of joe facing the computer and my recent bit of happiness (wilting flowers)... My husband was on the line and I was feeling rather blah. I normally do not allow my blahness to seep into our conversations but for some reason I was achingly sad and I just didn't feel like pretending. I can't really pinpoint the reasons behind this sadness nothing really comes to mind. Maybe it's the normalcy I have been feeling lately like I'm in a rut everything is unchanging, and I feel myself dreading the days, like this deployment will never end.

I hate when the bad days sneak up on me, I try my hardest to push and shove those days right out the door, but sometimes I just can't seem to kick um and one way or another today my blahness had it's way with me. I wanted to cry, I did cry, a little. My husband was ending our conversation and I was secretly in tears. He asked what was wrong and told me he knew I was down. I said I was fine, but we both knew I was not. Talon was repeatedly shooting me with his Nerf gun and laughing as loud as possible every time I was hit! I wanted to be far far away. Far away with my husband, away from the stress, the laughter, and the crying. I sat at the kitchen table wiping my tears quickly so he wouldn't notice. Part of me wanted to jump up and break that Nerf gun! But I didn't. I kept my cool and sat at the table emotionless.

I'm good at hiding emotion, and I'd have to say it's become a curse. I hold it in until i'm about to burst and when I finally do I'm normally yelling, not crying. So there I was crying in front of Talon for the first time since I don't know when. Even when Peej left I hid my tears as I was now. But just like then he knew something was wrong, and his genuine concern put a smile on my face.

Moments later I noticed Cameo outside my window. I brushed it off because my husband had just sent me flowers earlier this week. A few moments later the doorbell rang and a smirk colored my face. I opened the door and there was a sweet grey haired blue eyed women greeting me with a large smile. We exchanged my autograph for the flowers and I ran to the kitchen to place them on the table and open the card! The card read-

Have a great day babe!
I love and miss you.
Love, your husband

And so, I tried my hardest to make it a better day. The flowers defiantly helped.